“When you get to the place where you really like who you are and where you're at, you'll get grateful for all the s#!t that got you there.” This was told to me by a little old gray haired lady in sneakers who was my boss when I worked for county alcoholism services. Ruth was always implementing new ideas and one of her favorites was "we teach best what we most need to learn". One day she said, “Charly, the clients could really use an Assertion Training Program. Go put one together and teach it to them.” Since I wasn’t assertive, I couldn’t say no, and teaching that class was how I learned to be assertive. I didn't know then that Ruth was my spiritual teacher and what she said often didn't sound spiritual or even make sense to me but I knew it was important. An 'angel mother', according to psychoanalyst and author Clarissa Pinkola Estes, is a woman who shows up in your life to give you something that you need and didn't get in your childhood. Ruth was my angel mother for four years and I am, more than a quarter of a century later, still in awe of the gifts she gave me. Even my name came out of one of her fortuitous spelling mishaps, proving that anything, even accidents, can provide gifts.
In passing on Ruth's wisdom to my clients and using it to shine light in my own dark places, I came to understand that everything we experience, especially the hard stuff, has something good for us if we are willing to open to it. Physical injuries helped me to know my unconscious mind, taught me to ask for help, brought me to the Alexander Technique, and provided tools for me to use and teach. Relationship betrayals taught me lessons in acceptance, forgiveness, and compassion, to take risks and to keep my heart open because I learned that my heart is unbreakable when it is open. Catastrophes revealed hidden strengths and the process of seeking solutions stimulated new neural pathways in my brain. Of course, I didn't usually see the benefit while I was in the experience, but I learned to trust the process and seek guidance and support. Mostly it was in hindsight that I recognized that all the storms and upheavals contributed to my knowing myself and growing myself and led me to other teachers who furthered my education.
Today I am grateful that I can recognize my fear before it does much damage. It is illusive and I know it is my unconscious mind trying to prevent additional hurt, struggling to maintain the status quo because that is what the unconscious mind does best; it knows how to handle the status quo and change is scary. Old emotional memories spring to the surface in a misbegotten attempt to protect me. So I befriend my fear, sit quietly with it, observe it, see how it operates and how I can transform that fearful energy into love and gratitude like my angel mother taught me.
Everything that happened in my life got me to where I am today, and I like where I am today. Every single troublesome thing, person and event helped me know myself. So I bless them and thank them and wish them love, happiness, and peace because that is what they have taught me to create.