Category: Attention

June Tidbit: The Small Pleasures of the Day

6/23/2012

There are times we can get so caught up in external events that we lose our perspective and spiral into dark emotions. Balance is lost, irritability and fear predominate. Whether it is reaction to a trauma or loss, ongoing stressors, or just being too busy for too long, our vision narrows and the things we do become mundane, habitual and effortful. Joy has gone missing and inner voices whisper old scripts of not being good enough, of never getting what you want, of it being too late.

Sometimes we can just brush that off and recover our usual good humor. And sometimes we linger in the shadows far longer than is in our best interest. One way to encourage the restoration of balance in emotion and outlook is to pay attention to the small pleasures that the day offers. Your morning "cuppa", be it tea or coffee or whatever, offers opportunity to smell and taste and savor, to be fully present in the moment. The beauty of the sky, the structure of the clouds, the way sunlight falls upon an object can feed beauty to your eyes and mind if you allow yourself to see. A favourite song, the words of a friend, the sound of birds singing can be opportunities to turn your mind to gratitude and appreciation.

If you struggle with troubling thoughts there is a Hawaiian tool for clearing past actions and memories, for assisting atonement and reconciliation. Called Ho'oponopono, the simplest approach is to run the following phrases through your mind and/or give them voice: "I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. And I thank you." Use these phrases to replace whatever mind chatter has been creating your distress. (For more on the Huna practice of Ho'oponopono, consult your favourite search engine.)

When we allow the externals of life to be in charge of our experience, we engage our victim archetype. Instead we could call out our natural child to see the world with wonder, or the storyteller to create a new framework for perspective, or the alchemist to transform the mundane and envision the spiritual workings of the world. We get to choose whether our locus of control is internal or external. All day long, we have the choice of where we put our attention.

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March Tidbit: Legacies of Thought

3/28/2012

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A client once told me a story about her family that illustrates one of the bittersweet tendencies of the human mind. Every year her family gathered for Easter and a ham was served for the family dinner. And every year her mother would cut the end off the ham before putting it in the oven to cook. So one Easter, she asked "Mom, why do you always cut the end off the ham before you put it in the oven?" And her mom said, "I don't know, my mother always did it. Go ask her." So she went into the living room and asked her grandmother, who told her, "I don't know, honey, my mother always did it that way.... but come to think of it, it might have been because her pan was too small."

People carry on with behaviors and beliefs that are handed down through the generations, even if they are no longer necessary or helpful. There is sweetness is in the honoring our ancestors, paying tribute, albeit often unconscious, to what they taught us. And there is bitterness in that what we learned in past situations may no longer be true or appropriate today, and some can cause unwanted consequences.

I overheard a woman in a shop telling her friend that she could never lose weight because her mother told her that all the women in her family "had a problem with metabolism", so there was no point for her to even try. Other limiting examples include using guilt or criticism to try to motivate, taking on an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, trying to control others with aggressive behavior, and beliefs along the lines of 'nobody can tell me what to do' or 'not being good enough' that create life long patterns.

We can change the legacies that limit us if we are willing to pay enough attention to really notice them. And then ask ourselves whether we are willing to consciously choose to continue that specific behavior or belief. This is hard to do by yourself without support. When I tell clients that a sure fire way to lose weight is for them to write down everything they eat before they eat it, they are totally agreeable to the task. And it is a really simple task: write down what you are about to eat before you eat it so that you are aware of what you are eating. When I ask about it in our next conversation, they tell me they forgot, or couldn't find a pen, or wrote after they ate instead of before, or did it for one day and then lost their notebook. The experience of paying attention and making conscious choices is very powerful, and it can make the unconscious mind a little nervous. Forgetting is a powerful conversation for no change, as are other forms of denial. And, with attention, they too can become conscious and open to change. It is simple, but not easy, so ask for help if you need it.

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November Tidbit: Where You Put Your Attention

11/28/2011

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A lot of things in life require attention to thrive and grow. We recognize that our children, our friendships, our skills, the garden, our pets all benefit from positive attention. The practice of gratitude is also one of those things that blooms with our consideration, and choosing to focus on appreciation as part of our daily routine can enrich the day and bring good cheer. The holidays are upon us and they offer times of celebration. What if this year we take the time to celebrate what we already have? Here are three questions for contemplation that might help make your holiday adventures more enjoyable this year.

* Who are you grateful for in your life today? What person or persons bring a smile to your face or joy to your heart? Perhaps one of the gifts you give this season could be to let them know how much you value them.

* What is one experience from your childhood that you are thankful for? Was there something that happened that made you stronger or smarter or happier?

* What is something that you use every day, perhaps without even noticing it, that makes your life better?

In her book State of Wonder, Ann Patchett cautioned, "Never be so focused on the thing you are looking for that you overlook the thing you find". Sometimes we are so intent on getting what we want or to where we think we should be that we lose awareness of what is around us. This time of year I practice gratitude for the beauty of winter light. The shortness of the autumn day makes it all the more valuable, and sometimes I feel like I don't get enough of the sun. So I choose to make a point of noticing the light, of taking a minute to stop and stand in it, soaking it up and being thankful for the way it spills into the room or dresses my garden with highlight and shadow. And when I do that, it does feel like enough at that moment, and I have brought contentment into my day.

We are at a position in the evolution of our species where we are learning more and more to live with uncertainty. Many of the day to day decisions we make have become so complex that we cannot predict the consequences. Yet, one point of power that we do have is the ability to choose where to direct our thoughts. We often cannot stop intrusive thoughts from popping into our mind, but we can choose to shift the gears and redirect our attention to cultivating gratitude for what we have right now. This day will never come again; use your thoughts to make it a good one.

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Weekly Tidbit: Paying Attention

8/5/2009

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We are always "thinking". Even in our sleep, the unconscious mind is sorting, registering, processing, dreaming. There is a constant conversation going on in our mind that we may or may not be aware of. If we put our attention to listening we might notice the repetitive nature of our inner thoughts and the perspectives they support. If we take the effort to observe this conversation, we might be surprised at what we discover about our beliefs. If we take control of this conversation, we will find that we are indeed in charge of our emotional state.

As an experiment, I spent 10 minutes consciously being grateful for everything I came in contact with during that period. I thanked the refrigerator for keeping my food cold when I took an apple, and my teeth for allowing me to eat that apple. This was on a day the temperature was in the 90's, so I was totally grateful to my AC for doing its job and I appreciated the roof over my head to keep the sun at bay. I was grateful to my terrazzo floor for helping to keep the house cool. I loved my Macbook for its ability to effortlessly connect me to people I cared about. You get the picture. I found myself smiling and being happy at the end of those minutes, flooded with gratitude and happy with my life.

So, then I took 10 minutes to think about things that concerned me in a worrisome way. Business is slow all over. Will I make enough money to buy what I need? The cost of gas is on the way up again. There is a war going on. I don't know if we are having hurricanes this season. The rugs are full of sand. The weeds have taken over the garden. My parents are getting old. Big Pharm is really getting scary. OK, you get the picture on this one, too. This exercise did not leave me smiling. I felt uncomfortable in my body, restless in my mind. And I did it to myself with my thoughts.

So what goes on in my head when I am not consciously choosing my thoughts? Old unconscious programs are writing the script, creating my reality, my emotions, my life. I can inhibit that process by choosing where to put my attention. And if I redirect my attention on what is working in my life, I can feel good. "Positive emotions create bodily sensations of openness and expansiveness. They invite the world in........ Negative emotions create a tight, contracted feeling. Everything pulls inward. The world is pushed away. Positive feelings invite unity. Negative feelings invite isolation." Joan Borysenko, Minding the Body.

So what goes on in your head all day? Abraham / Hicks encourages us to "work to improve the way you feel, not the situation." I can do that if I consciously choose to redirect my thoughts when they start heading for the dark side. (I can also use energy work to re-write those old scripts; but that's another tidbit.)

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Weekly Tidbit: Fear

7/29/2009

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A young couple won a contest and were awarded an all expense paid vacation to a resort on an island in the Caribbean. They were very excited and happy until a friend told them that this particular island was known for having a lot of snakes. Not being fond of snakes, they had some emotional pause, and being brave, they decide to go anyway. But on the flight to the island their concern about running into snakes grew into fear. So they did not sleep very well that first night, fearful that they would see snakes. The next afternoon, as they were coming back from the beach, they came upon a snake. Seeing the snake, their fear abruptly changed from fear of meeting a snake to an even bigger fear of being bitten by a snake. And the snake picked up on the fear vibe and got scared that he might be in danger himself, so he bit Sally. (Yes, fear is contagious.) So their fear once again moved forward in time. No longer is it about seeing a snake, or getting bit by one, but the fear now is that Sally might die.

This is a made up story; nobody really got snake-bit. But it illustrates how fear manifests with the negative anticipation of something bad happening, not in the present moment, but in the future. One acronym of FEAR is Future Evidence Appearing Real. We deal with fear all the time; "what does being an adult teach you, daily, if not how to function in the face of fear?" (Everything Matters by Ron Currie, Jr.) I believe that we were given all of our emotions for a reason. Our evolutionary choice with fear is whether we feed it with more scary thoughts or just notice it as 'the call to attention' that it is and take a next step to address what is calling to you.

Paying attention and taking action in the here and now is therefore an antidote to fear; it is the giving of loving energy either to yourself and/or another. The Laws of Attraction state that we attract what we give attention to, so if we live with a lot of negative anticipation, we are likely to draw that which we fear most.

And there are always snakes in paradise. Yes, we do need to pay attention to avoid stepping on them, but if we feed the fear with our thoughts we are inviting them to a starring role in our reality. As Abraham / Hicks says, "Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don't want". Fear gives us another opportunity to observe, inhibit, and redirect, to choose how we create our lives.

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June Tidbit: The Small Pleasures of the Day

March Tidbit: Legacies of Thought

November Tidbit: Where You Put Your Attention

Weekly Tidbit: Paying Attention

Weekly Tidbit: Fear

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