Frequently clients have stated “I just want to be happy” when I ask them to describe their goals. And often when I asked what that would look like I got a blank stare. Sometimes we don’t know what it is; we just know it is missing. In her book, The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” But what generates that experience of happiness for us?
Author Andy Puddicombe wrote, "For some reason we’ve come to believe that happiness should be the default setting in life and therefore, anything different is somehow wrong. Based to this assumption, we tend to resist the source of unhappiness….physically, mentally and emotionally. It is usually at this stage that things get complicated. Life can being to feel like a chore and an endless struggle to chase and maintain that feeling of happiness. We get hooked on the temporary rush of pleasure of a new experience, whatever that is, and then need to feed it the whole time. It doesn’t matter whether we feed it with food, drink, drugs, clothes cars, relationships, work or even the peace and quiet of the countryside. If we become dependent on it for our happiness, then we're trapped. What happens when we can’t have it anymore? And what happens when the excitement wears off?"
One answer might be to bring more joy and excitement into everyday life rather than always needing the anticipation of something new. But how do we make the mundane feel joyful? The other morning while having my coffee, I glanced over at my sofa and had a small rush of happiness about the exquisite perfection of the pillow resting on it. The pillow had a washable linen and cotton cover printed with seashells and coral, the coral perfectly matching the color of the couch, and it was filled with feathers….. all of my favorite pillow things in one pillow that I had unexpectedly found at a yard sale for $2. It was a small thing, a moment of joy and appreciation for something that I had, and it set the tone for my day. The beauty of a flower, the breeze through the window, watching the sunrise, listening to birdsong, morning coffee can also offer us moments of appreciation and gratitude. But that willingness to appreciate needs to come from inside of us, "an attitude of gratitude" to borrow a phrase from 12 Step Recovery. What if every day you allowed three (or more) things in your life to make you happy, opening yourself to fully to that experience of happiness even if it only lasts for a moment? And if you do that, I would love it if you would send me a text or email and let me know whether you think you are happier in your life for those small efforts, whether they improve your general “sense of positive-wellbeing" .
"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."
Dale Carnegie
Author Andy Puddicombe wrote, "For some reason we’ve come to believe that happiness should be the default setting in life and therefore, anything different is somehow wrong. Based to this assumption, we tend to resist the source of unhappiness….physically, mentally and emotionally. It is usually at this stage that things get complicated. Life can being to feel like a chore and an endless struggle to chase and maintain that feeling of happiness. We get hooked on the temporary rush of pleasure of a new experience, whatever that is, and then need to feed it the whole time. It doesn’t matter whether we feed it with food, drink, drugs, clothes cars, relationships, work or even the peace and quiet of the countryside. If we become dependent on it for our happiness, then we're trapped. What happens when we can’t have it anymore? And what happens when the excitement wears off?"
One answer might be to bring more joy and excitement into everyday life rather than always needing the anticipation of something new. But how do we make the mundane feel joyful? The other morning while having my coffee, I glanced over at my sofa and had a small rush of happiness about the exquisite perfection of the pillow resting on it. The pillow had a washable linen and cotton cover printed with seashells and coral, the coral perfectly matching the color of the couch, and it was filled with feathers….. all of my favorite pillow things in one pillow that I had unexpectedly found at a yard sale for $2. It was a small thing, a moment of joy and appreciation for something that I had, and it set the tone for my day. The beauty of a flower, the breeze through the window, watching the sunrise, listening to birdsong, morning coffee can also offer us moments of appreciation and gratitude. But that willingness to appreciate needs to come from inside of us, "an attitude of gratitude" to borrow a phrase from 12 Step Recovery. What if every day you allowed three (or more) things in your life to make you happy, opening yourself to fully to that experience of happiness even if it only lasts for a moment? And if you do that, I would love it if you would send me a text or email and let me know whether you think you are happier in your life for those small efforts, whether they improve your general “sense of positive-wellbeing" .
"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."
Dale Carnegie
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