When events happen in your life, do you you usually react to them or do you take a breath to think about how to respond? While the ability to be spontaneous and allow yourself to uninhibitedly react to the events around you can be a delightful experience to share in close relationships, there are times it can get you into trouble. Thoughtfully choosing how to respond to circumstances can further your goals in building relationships and resolving conflict. Knowing when to do which can be challenging.
I have a dear friend who makes me laugh because we often play off each other with humor and silliness. There is a freedom and release in that exchange that is joyful and spontaneous, and to trust someone enough to feel safe to be your unfettered self in play is very sweet. Though when emotions arise from fear or anger, it may be a different story. I have known couples broken by the exchange of strong uncensored emotions, and have also known couples that are stronger in their bond after a fight that others would find devastating. The latter told me that they are grateful to have the safety with each other to be able to release such feelings so that they keep no hidden resentments, and that it allowed them deep intimacy and trust. We can get information about what works best in various circumstances by observing the impact of our choices on others, and through discussion.
Practice and observation are helpful in order to choose new responses, and at times you may need to vent strong emotion before you can get to the place of making wiser choices, so find a safe place to release those feelings. Since anger is often an indicator that something needs to change, when you feel anger welling up try taking a moment to think about how you can change your response to impact the situation in a more positive direction. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” wrote Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and author of 'Man’s Search for Meaning’. You could even think about gratitude as a choice in how to respond to events. While that may not be your first thought, if you look at events from a perspective of "what can I learn from this?” you may find it works. Being appreciative of another sharing true thoughts and feelings even when they do not agree with yours can transform a conversation. Or perhaps focusing on something unrelated that brings joy or beauty to your life can open your heart to gratitude, creating more space for a positive change. However you choose to create your desired changes, celebrate your successes with gratitude.
I have a dear friend who makes me laugh because we often play off each other with humor and silliness. There is a freedom and release in that exchange that is joyful and spontaneous, and to trust someone enough to feel safe to be your unfettered self in play is very sweet. Though when emotions arise from fear or anger, it may be a different story. I have known couples broken by the exchange of strong uncensored emotions, and have also known couples that are stronger in their bond after a fight that others would find devastating. The latter told me that they are grateful to have the safety with each other to be able to release such feelings so that they keep no hidden resentments, and that it allowed them deep intimacy and trust. We can get information about what works best in various circumstances by observing the impact of our choices on others, and through discussion.
Practice and observation are helpful in order to choose new responses, and at times you may need to vent strong emotion before you can get to the place of making wiser choices, so find a safe place to release those feelings. Since anger is often an indicator that something needs to change, when you feel anger welling up try taking a moment to think about how you can change your response to impact the situation in a more positive direction. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” wrote Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and author of 'Man’s Search for Meaning’. You could even think about gratitude as a choice in how to respond to events. While that may not be your first thought, if you look at events from a perspective of "what can I learn from this?” you may find it works. Being appreciative of another sharing true thoughts and feelings even when they do not agree with yours can transform a conversation. Or perhaps focusing on something unrelated that brings joy or beauty to your life can open your heart to gratitude, creating more space for a positive change. However you choose to create your desired changes, celebrate your successes with gratitude.
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