As an experiment, try this: Think about something that worries you. Go ahead and worry about it. Be deeply concerned with what is wrong or what could go wrong. Notice how your body responds to those thoughts. What sensations are your aware of in your physical body? How do you feel emotionally? Now think about the same issue from a perspective of curiosity. Isn't this interesting? I wonder how it will resolve. How does this all fit together and what can I learn from it? Then notice how your body feels. Notice your emotions. What might be the short term impact of each of these attitudes on your decisions for the situation? What might be the result of living long term in either position?
Recognizing the extent that we create our reality with our thoughts is a concept that brings up a lot of resistance. Who wants to be told that we are responsible for creating what we see as a problem? It sometimes feels like nonproductive blame or criticism, and that judgement about it generates yet more resistance. "It's not my fault.... I was born this way..... He did it to me." Our excuses diminish our sense of responsibility and also diminish our power as we put the locus of control outside of ourselves. What if we shift our perspective to look upon each situation as an opportunity we created to learn something valuable that will assist us in creating more of what we want? What if all of our relationships are teaching relationships and we chose each other as fellow student teachers? We could just let go of blame altogether and instead put energy into what we can change about ourselves and our choices about what we think and how we act.
Viewing myself as the co-author of a particular lesson plan rather than victim of someone else's behavior allows me to focus on the potential power of resolution rather than stay mired in the problem. "When you step into the victim position by pointing the finger of blame, you short the circuitry in yourself that allows you to feel the natural organic ecstasy of fully standing in a co-creative position with the universe itself, " wrote Gay Hendricks, psychologist and author of many books on creating consciousness in relationships and in life. When I judge and blame, whether it is myself or someone else, I limit my movement, my freedom. I constrict the focus of my attention. For me, it is often my body that brings this constriction to my attention with stiffness and pain. When I cultivate an attitude of curiosity, of attentive interest and compassionate inquiry, there is an opening that invites positive creation, that encourages new thoughts and possibilities and reminds me of my role as co-creator.