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Conversations For Change

Weekly Tidbit: Fear

7/29/2009

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A young couple won a contest and were awarded an all expense paid vacation to a resort on an island in the Caribbean. They were very excited and happy until a friend told them that this particular island was known for having a lot of snakes. Not being fond of snakes, they had some emotional pause, and being brave, they decide to go anyway. But on the flight to the island their concern about running into snakes grew into fear. So they did not sleep very well that first night, fearful that they would see snakes. The next afternoon, as they were coming back from the beach, they came upon a snake. Seeing the snake, their fear abruptly changed from fear of meeting a snake to an even bigger fear of being bitten by a snake. And the snake picked up on the fear vibe and got scared that he might be in danger himself, so he bit Sally. (Yes, fear is contagious.)  So their fear once again moved forward in time. No longer is it about seeing a snake, or getting bit by one, but the fear now is that Sally might die.

This is a made up story; nobody really got snake-bit. But it illustrates how fear manifests with the negative anticipation of something bad happening, not in the present moment, but in the future. One acronym of FEAR is Future Evidence Appearing Real. We deal with fear all the time; "what does being an adult teach you, daily, if not how to function in the face of fear?" (Everything Matters by Ron Currie, Jr.) I believe that we were given all of our emotions for a reason. Our evolutionary choice with fear is whether we feed it with more scary thoughts or just notice it as 'the call to attention' that it is and take a  next step to address what is calling to you. 

Paying attention and taking action in the here and now is therefore an antidote to fear; it is the giving of loving energy either to yourself and/or another. The Laws of Attraction state that we attract what we give attention to, so if we live with a lot of negative anticipation, we are likely to draw that which we fear most. 
 And there are always snakes in paradise. Yes, we do need to pay attention to avoid stepping on them, but if we feed the fear with our thoughts we are inviting them to a starring role in our reality. As Abraham / Hicks says, "Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don't want". Fear gives us another opportunity to observe, inhibit, and redirect, to choose how we create our lives. 

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Weekly Tidbit: Love the Process

7/22/2009

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As children we understand the joy in the experience, the doing and being in the act of creating our life in the moment. Watch kids building a sand castle; on some level they know that the ocean will claim their efforts, but that is not important. The fun is in the making of the castle, the process of creation in that very moment of time.

Too often as adults we get preoccupied with the end product of our efforts. In Alexander Technique lessons, over focus on the results is called end-gaining, and it tends to create physical problems in our body through misuse. It makes sense to me that  it might also create problems in our spiritual harmony as well.

One way to have more joy in your life is to simply change your awareness and attitude towards what you do. You don't need to try to make big changes in your life (trust me, life will do that for you), but rather change your focus to appreciate whatever pleasure can be found in what you are doing. As an experiment, try this: Wash your dishes with your second chakra, the feeling place, wide open. Allow yourself to be conscious of and to enjoy the physical sensation of water, of soap, of the weight and shape of a favorite cup or bowl. Is not water itself a miraculous experience? You can put your hand right into it and it makes room for you and holds you in its embrace. Allow yourself to full appreciate the experience in a new way, with all your senses enjoying the process.

Sometimes we are too cognizant that the creation of something, whether it is a garden, a house, or a relationship, is often more rewarding than the finished project, and with that attitude, maintenance can become burdensome. What if we never stop creating? What if we continue to add elements of intentional design to our homes, our yards, and our interpersonal connections? If we get into the daily process of living with appreciation and creativity we can have more fun; we can make work play and play in our work.

May you create joy,

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Weekly Tidbit: Opening the Throat Chakra

7/15/2009

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Chakras are centers for receiving, processing and transmitting the energies of life, often visualized as spinning vortexes. The throat chakra relates specifically to communication, to speaking and being heard. It is the energetic repository of all the messages we have ever heard about our rights and our abilities to communicate. "Children should be seen and not heard.... What a beautiful voice you have..... I really like talking to you...... You're just shy..... Don't talk back...... Don't say that...... Thank you for letting me know....... You don't know what you are talking about...". This fifth chakra also has on tape all the different styles of communication that we were exposed to growing up, from the grunts and raised voices to whispers and silence. You could look at it as a computer disk with the programs of your beliefs based on your experiences. Your consciousness would then be the operating system and your unconscious mind the central processing unit.

Between social constraints and models, family dynamics, lack of education, and fear, many of us struggle with communication. Where this is most evident is in our relationships, both with ourselves and with others. Keep in mind that the ability to self express to another implies that you either know something about yourself or are willing to know something about yourself, and that you are willing to share that perspective with another. Openness to discovery, the willingness to know and be known, is an important part of this. Our desire for safety and certainty and our need to be right can interfere with the freedom of energy flow needed for open communication.

When energy is inhibited, it tends to either find a way around the obstacle, push through it, or it becomes stagnant. Stuck energy starts to shut us down and can invite illness. Pushing through or forcing a path connects into our solar plexus chakra (our power source) and our ego gets involved. That can be really great, or it can get very complicated. Finding a way around (creative expression) frees the energy, engages the heart and brow (intuition) chakras and invites us to feel good, to enjoy.

So one way out of struggling with communication issues is to explore your creative voice in an activity that makes you vibrate with joy or contentment. Cultivate that joyful expression and that level of vibration will literally start to loosen those stuck places in your fifth chakra.

So here are some ideas to open up your throat chakra and get those energies flowing:

--- Express gratitude out loud; thank someone for something you appreciate about them

--- Smile, laugh (research indicates that moving those facial muscles changes our biochemistry!)

--- Kiss (see smile above....  and then some); kiss the sky, a horse, someone you love.....

--- Sing, dance, make music

--- Write in a journal; use your words, play with them, make friends with them, see what they look like

--- Read out loud, to yourself or to others

---  Create something: knit, draw, build, design

--- Join a group that talks, practice speaking your truth in a safe place

--- Imagine yourself being who you are instead of who you think you are supposed to be

--- Savor a meal, small, slow bites, delighting in each one

--- Visualize blue or turquoise energy swirling in a counterclockwise direction over your throat to release stuck energy, and then see it swirling clockwise to reboot  or rebuild this chakra in balance and harmony (complete Chakra Balancing Experiences are available)

--- Talk to someone you trust to really listen to you

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Weekly Tidbit: Making Changes

7/8/2009

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The culture and family influences we are born into and grow up with have a powerful hold. No matter how much exposure we have to other experiences or beliefs on a conscious level, unless we reach into where the original program lives in the subconscious mind and make updates, that old program stays pretty much the same. Which is why positive affirmations or cognitive restructuring techniques are often not as effective as we would like them to be.  It is estimated that 85-95% of our behavior is the result of our unconscious formatting, most of which occurred when we were very young. 

In a radio interview with Wayne Dwyer, Bruce Lipton, author of The Biology of Belief, made the statement that the "function of the mind is to create coherence between your beliefs and your life" and that thoughts and feelings are not just in your head, they are "broadcast through the body as if with a tuning fork". Lipton, a cellular biologist, notes that there is a difference in the biochemical makeup between a tear of joy and a tear of sadness, indicating the power of our emotions to effect change on a biochemical level. His suggestion is to create what it is you want in your mind, to use your imagination. Then assume the feeling of that desire fulfilled. Imagine and create what it would it feel like in your mind and in your body to have that which you desire. Go to the place in your mind where all is possible. Do this just before you go to sleep, while you are in that hypnogogic state where the conscious and the unconscious are making the transfer of control.  And "let your subconscious marinate overnight".

Making that connection between the conscious and the unconscious is easier than you might think. When we involve the body and the mind together in harmonious activity we can also make that linkage. Affirmations In Motion (AIM) takes the thoughtful intention and joins it with energy moving through the body to support the manifestation of desired change. Energy Psychology offers  a variety of approaches to making subconscious shifts.  I have used EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and TAT (Tappas Acupressure Technique) both personally and professionally to effect powerful changes. This is why I love working with the subconscious; miracles can and do happen when we remodel in that room. 


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Weekly Tidbit: Finding New Balance

7/1/2009

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I'm learning HTML, also known as Hypertext Mark-up Language, the predominant language for creating web pages. This is a phenomenal experience for me; computer technology has intimidated me for the longest time. I have always been right brain dominant: intuitive, creative, holistic, artistic, sensitive. I remember being chastised by a friend while playing pinochle when he asked me why I played a certain card and I told him "it felt like the right move". He counted every card and calculated odds for each play, and got rather upset when I won using intuition over rational logic. But that was my approach to most things. So for me to submerge myself in a world of linear constructs is both fascinating and foreign. I am looking at it from the perspective of integrating my brain function, of creating more balance in my thinking.

Finding balance in today's world can be challenging. We are encouraged to focus, to specialize, to find our niche. The problem with that philosophy is that a niche is also a shallow recess and there is often not a lot of room to grow in a shallow space. So choosing to take on a project that stimulates a routinely quiet part of the brain is one way to encourage a growth spurt, to upset the balance of the status quo in order to obtain a new balance that includes more of the whole.

Culturally, we are encouraged to take on the thinking characteristics believed to be associated with our gender, and frequently discouraged from expanding into the opposite meadowland for fear of not attracting a mate. "Don't let them see how smart you are, boys don't like that" and "Big boys don't cry" were common refrains in my childhood. And while in the 21st century, that appears to have changed on the surface, the underlying scripts live deep inside and die hard and slow, and can prohibit us from finding talents that are there for discovery. And it occurs to me that perhaps my rational linear thought process was active all along and mere hiding behind and guiding my intuition. 


Research indicates that people who actively use their minds and have positive emotional outlook are less likely to develop diseases like Alzheimer's because they are continually creating new neuron pathways and avoiding  the plaques and tangles. So much of our thoughts are repetitive (and unconscious)that intentionally inviting new ideas into our minds brings a flood of internal energy and vibration that keeps us vital and involved with life. So weather your primary arena is right or left, take on a learning experience that will stimulate your lesser involved  brain cells. Invite them to the party and have a good time teaching them to dance.


"If you practice using your instincts with small things, such as whether you need your jacket, you will eventually be able to rely on them for the big decisions in life."
 Bear Heart with Molly Larkin  in  The Wind is My Mother 



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    Author

    Charly Hill is a Life Skills Coach and Self Empowerment Teacher.
    She has a MA in counseling and recently retired her California Marriage, Family and Child Therapist license. 

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