<![CDATA[Conversations For Change - Monthly Tidbits]]>Mon, 06 Jul 2026 18:55:07 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[July Tidbit: On Being Different in a World that Encourages Uniformity]]>Mon, 06 Jul 2026 13:08:04 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/july-tidbit-on-being-different-in-a-world-that-encourages-uniformity
From our very first experiences we are encouraged to be like the people around us. At home we are taught to follow the rules, at school we are trained to sit, stand, move as a group and give the expected answers. In the working world we are expected to dress appropriately to our position, perhaps even in a uniform. This process is designed to ensure the safety and perpetuation of our species in much the same way bees function in a working hive. But what happens you don’t quite fit in with the world around you, when you see things differently than others and you are not comfortable with the things others do? 

Our world is full of pretense. From the multitude of online scams, political deceits and manipulations, false and misleading marketing tactics, it is hard to know what is real. Social media has become more real to many people than face to face interactions. Social expectations push us to act and think like the others around us. We can choose to go along with those expectations or we can choose to find our own path. 

There are always outliers who walk outside the majority. Madame Curie, Albert Einstein, Harriet Tubman, Nikola Tesla, Susan B. Anthony, Bill Gates, and Frieda Kahlo were all different from their peers. Their perspective, their way of seeing the world, empowered them to do amazing things. They allowed themselves to be who and how they were despite judgements and ridicule. They were often impeded by the expectations and demands of others, but not prevented from finding their own creative way. 
 
Philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote: “The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.” His writings encourage independent thought that honors mental sanity and personal values, rather than just going along with the crowd. When making decisions ask yourself if you are choosing because of your own thoughts and feelings or because everyone else is doing it. Often it seems easier to go along with the mob, but if the goal is to maintain a clear and peaceful mind, perhaps seeking validation from society is not the way to go. Instead you might trust your own logic, emotion, and intuition, using the best parts of your mind to think things through, and make choices that are in harmony with who you are. If you need help with this, talk with someone you trust who will listen without judgement and /or write about what you are thinking and feeling. Taking thoughts out of your head and speaking them out loud or writing them down often gives clarity. 
]]><![CDATA[June Tidbit: Open to Inspiration]]>Sun, 07 Jun 2026 16:56:20 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/june-tidbit-open-to-inspirationIn a classroom long, long ago, a college professor asked his students what kind of trees lined the walkway to the building they occupied. Most of the students looked at each other and responded “What trees?” This led to a discussion about what it is that we actually pay attention to as we move through life, and how much we miss.

On a recent walk at Indian Riverside Park, I noticed an elaborate series of chalk drawn epithets on the sidewalk near the Children’s Museum. They were all inspirational messages focused on encouragement, support, and positive thinking. The messages included : 
Breathe through it!
Keep going, step by step, don’t give up!
You belong….
Some messages were illustrated: the word “Inclusion” featured a Star of David, a Heart, and a Cross. ✡️  💜  ✝️
Most people passing by were on their phones, oblivious to the sidewalk graffiti, and the next week it was gone. 

In these days of souped up technology, it is easier than ever to miss our inspirational connection with nature and with community. Research indicates that connection with nature offers improved mood, often reducing levels of anxiety and depression. It can improve memory and increase creativity and joy. Having a sense of connection to community offers many of the same benefits.  Perhaps we can start by just paying more attention to what is around us, for you never know what might offer inspiration. 

“To see the miraculous in the ordinary is a more precious gift than prophecy.” from The Covenant of Water” by Abraham Verghese

                   
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]]><![CDATA[May Tidbit: Seeking Peace]]>Sun, 10 May 2026 16:34:43 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/may-tidbit-seeking-peace"You don't find peace, you choose it
By what you ignore
By what you release
By what you stop giving energy to...
Thats the shift"
                              Bruce Lee

Bruce Lee’ s quote offers a solution to relieve much of our suffering: Stop giving energy to that which makes you hurt. Struggling against things we have no power over causes us to experience frustration, overwhelm, and angst. The more we  learn to recognize  what we cannot change (other people, places and things) and instead choose to focus our attention on what we can change (ourselves, our attitudes, our behavior) the less we will suffer. What has already happened cannot be changed and sometimes past events do leave us with scars. Let them be healed scars not open wounds, and choose to move forward by reminding yourself that you are in charge of how much attention you pay to something. Events or people’s behavior can trigger reactions of anger or fear that pop up unexpectedly, and while we can’t always be in charge of what pops into our head, we can determine whether those thoughts and feelings just visit or make a permanent home by how much we feed them.Thoughts of guilt, resentments, and the refrains of ”I shoulda” and  “If only I had" invite negative feelings and behaviors to unpack and stick around. Choosing to learn and practice acceptance, kindness, and forgiveness for yourself as well as others invites a more peaceful stare of mind. 

We all experience difficult times, and reactions to them differ. Some people seem to be suffering from difficulties all the time, while others seem calm and unflappable no matter what is happening. And sometimes people feel so overwhelmed by events that those events become their identity and they are rarely able to step outside that role. Releasing resentments, regrets, guilt, worries and the accompanying emotions of fear and anger allows more time to enjoy life.  One of my clients expressed it as “I got tired of continuing to run their movies in my head, so I changed the channel.” If someone hurt you in the past and you still spend a lot of time thinking about it, they still have power over you, and perhaps now is the time for you to change the channel. Start by making the decision to release whatever thoughts lead you into trouble or make you feel bad. And then learn how to do that, asking for help if you need it. Use your tools in a daily practice and recognize that change requires commitment and support. Old habits tend to resurrect when we don’t pay attention, so when you find yourself feeling bad, ask yourself what you are thinking. And change those thoughts to ones that serve you better. ]]><![CDATA[April Tidbit: Adaptability]]>Tue, 07 Apr 2026 13:28:03 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/april-tidbit-adaptabilityI recently watched a show where people were assigned employment not to further develop what they were naturally good at, but to jobs that would teach them what they most needed to learn. The young man with lots of love and fear in his heart was sent to pilot school to learn courage, whereas the courageous but arrogant and self-centered young man was sent to work in a nursery to experience connection to others. It reminded me of drama therapy, where the “expansion of your repertoire” allowed participants to resolve their own issues. Expanding your repertoire means learning things you either don’t know, or don’t know that you know by engaging parts of yourself that have been lying dormant. 

Often people are fearful to participate in things that are unfamiliar. They may be plagued with thoughts of failure, fears of not being good enough, thoughts that are oriented in what might happen rather than what is happening in the moment. If you need to engage future thoughts, try curiosity with an open mind: "what might happen if?” rather than assuming the worst case scenario. What we often forget is that our failures often teach us more than our successes. It is in exploring that which is unfamiliar that we can discover new talents and resources. And to do that we need to realign and adapt our thoughts in ways that better serve us, and disrupt those thought patterns that limit us. 

Today’s world requires that adaptability. Climate change, Artificial Intelligence and lightening fast changes in technology necessitate new thought pathways. Challenging circumstances are better resolved with calmness, focus on possible choices, and a positive mindset. If we can embrace change rather than fear it, we can improve our emotional resilience and creative problem solving skills. Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself and to maintain positive health habits in the process. Yoga teaches us it is important to honor our limits but at the same time recognize that they too change and can often gently be nudged into a new position. The same is true of our belief systems. 

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”  Leon C. Megginson’s synopsis of Darwin’s ideas 
]]><![CDATA[March Tidbit: Relaxed Competence]]>Tue, 10 Mar 2026 16:45:31 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/march-tidbit-relaxed-competence
Trauma results from experience that is deeply distressing, perhaps even life threatening, and overwhelms our sense of being able to cope. We all experience trauma; it’s part of life. Accidents happen, beloveds betray us, there are natural disasters and wars, terminal diseases, people leave us, and we feel powerless. At times we can shake it off and move forward, but sometimes people seem to get stuck and live in the trauma to the point of even recreating the very problem that they fear. In the extreme it can manifest as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and have huge negative impact on lives. But even in less dramatic situations, it can manifest exactly what we don’t want to create. 

In the wild a zebra that narrowly escapes a lion attack will literally shake it off their body and go back to grazing, seemingly unaffected. They recognize the danger is past. Humans seem to struggle with keeping focus in the present moment and letting go of what happened 5 minutes ago, or 5 or 50 years ago. If a young baseball player strikes out at his first time at bat and he carries the fear of striking out again to his next time at bat, he is likely to strike out again. A good coach will teach him to be calm and confident at bat, to be focused on the ball, his stance and swing, focused in that moment, and not be thinking about the last time he was at bat.

One way to facilitate that state of relaxed competence is to start with awareness of your thoughts and feelings in order to reshape them towards calmness and assertion.Thoughts and feelings are simply energy and if we can maintain a positive energetic focus on what is happening right now as opposed to what happened before or what might happen in the future, we will feel different and the outcome will be different. Attitude and energy shape the experience. If we are still in the energy of past anxiety or future fear it affects our performance as well as the reaction of others around us. Cultivating a sense of calm assertion allows us to make better decisions and handle situations in more productive ways. 

My high school drama teacher beautifully illustrated how this works. In our very first class, each student in turn was asked to go onstage and stand there alone with all the other students looking at them. Each person initially looked terrified as they stepped onstage, their fearful thoughts almost visible. The teacher then asked the student on the stage to count the number of boards that made up the wooden stage floor. Gradually the focus on the counting (in the here and now) overcame the stage fright (based on past experiences and future expectations) and the student relaxed and was okay with being onstage, okay with being watched, and this carried over into the classwork. Kudos to that very clever teacher. 

Taking a deep and relaxing breath is one of the most common ways to help create a state of calm.The internet has lots more information on how to calm yourself, so if you need help with that, do some research and see what techniques work for you. And if you want to observe how well calm assertion works, watch any episode of The Dog Whisperer. 

                                                                                            
"Keep calm and carry on.” Winston Churchill and Doctor Who
]]><![CDATA[February Tidbit: Appreciation]]>Sun, 15 Feb 2026 18:48:02 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/february-tidbit-appreciationA common complaint heard in couples therapy is the feeling of being taken for granted. Symptoms that often accompany that feeling include emotional shutdown, physical withdrawal, repressed anger and depression. The impact of lost appreciation between partners is a huge factor in the health of a relationship, and while Valentine’s Day reminded us to express our love, once a year is not enough. 

Show appreciation to your beloveds on a regular basis. Let them know they are important to you in ways they can understand and appreciate, and to do that it is helpful to know what makes them feel loved and cared about. Giving flowers to someone who is allergic to them will not convey the message of caring that you intended. Let go of expecting another person to fit your image of who you want them to be and learn about who they really are and what is meaningful to them. This will provide opportunities to rekindle and strengthen your relationship. A simple exercise to help with that: You and your person each separately write 10 things that make you feel loved and cared about. It could be as simple as having a cup of coffee made for you, remembering an anniversary, apologizing for a mistake,  saying thank you, or having a foot rub. Then exchange lists. Regularly do something on the list you receive from your person. It does not matter if the list item is not important to you. Maybe anniversaries have no significance to you, but if they are important to your beloved, then remembering them is important to your relationship and nurturing the relationship is beneficial to both of you. 

Appreciation is a powerful motivational tool that improves both mental and physical health. It builds trust in relationships, encourages closeness, fuels productivity, reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and improves sleep. Both expressing and receiving appreciation actually changes your brain chemistry, causing the release of dopamine and oxytocin, frequently called the “feel good” chemicals, so appreciation could be viewed as a magnet for positive experiences. And it works with most relationships, including even teenagers and coworkers. So maybe in addition to celebrating one day a year dedicated to love, try putting some appreciation into all your days. ]]><![CDATA[January Tidbit: New Year Reminders]]>Mon, 12 Jan 2026 14:25:46 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/january-tidbit-new-year-reminders Reminders for the New Year


Take time to see the beauty around you. Look at the moon, pause to watch the sunset, notice a bird in flight. Step out of your usual mind chatter and pay attention to what is available to charm your senses. 

Replace judgement with curiosity and keep your mind active. Learn something new. Take a class, read, be curious about how others think. Ask questions, play brain stimulating games, keep your mental facilities active.

Keep your body active too. Remember that you don’t need to use all of your muscles….only the ones you want to keep.  Find activities that keep your body strong and try new ones. Some people like to go to the gym. Others like yoga classes, dancing,  or walks on the beach. The important thing is to keep moving. 

Practice kindness. We need more of it in the world, so please contribute what you can. 

Remember that everything is impermanent so be grateful for what you have and be willing to let go with love when the time comes to let it go. This is really hard sometimes so be gentle with yourself when you struggle and ask for help when you need it. 

Release thoughts that keep you in the energy of what is wrong or what you do not have. Stop and redirect your thoughts when they stray to negativity and refocus on something that moves you forward. 

Forgive everybody everything. It makes life more pleasant. ]]><![CDATA[December Tidbit: Holiday Reminders]]>Mon, 08 Dec 2025 15:46:27 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/december-tidbit-holiday-remindersIt can be challenging to balance holiday festivities and personal self care this time of year. It’s easy to get caught up in the parties, the family dinners with multiple desserts, shopping, relationship issues, and other things that come with the season. New Years resolutions are supposed to get us back on track, but it is better to not fall too far off track in the first place. Following are some ideas to help you keep in balance and still have fun. You probably know all this, but reminders can help us to actually apply what we know.

Stay physically active. Take walks, do your exercises, go to the gym, whatever floats your boat to stay in shape. Invite loved ones to accompany you so you can spend quality time with those you choose. Or take a solitary stroll to clear your head. 

Maintain healthy boundaries by saying “no” to some invitations, to second or third helpings, obligatory gift giving, and things that prove to be more stressful than fun. Sometimes we forget that “No, thank you.” is a complete sentence and does not need to be followed with excuses or justifications. Just smile, say thank you, and express appreciation for the kindness of the  thought. 

Remember to drink water and stay hydrated. Eat and drink slowly, enjoying every bite and every sip. If you drink alcohol, make sure you also drink water, and know and honor your limits re: intoxicants (and desserts!). 

Practice gratitude and let people know you care about them. Taking the time to actually listen to someone and express affection to them is often more valuable to the recipient than any pricey store bought gift. One of my best Christmases was a year when money was tight and all gifts were either handmade or from a thrift store. We’d sit on the floor and string popcorn and craft ornaments and gifts, talking and laughing and telling stories. It was way more fun than navigating holiday traffic and waiting in lines at a store, and it brought us closer together. 

Schedule downtime and allow yourself enough time to rest. A good night’s sleep, spending quiet moment with pets or hobbies, meditation, and mindful breathing can refresh and help keep you in balance so you can make good decisions and have fun without sleep deprivation. 

Prioritize what is most important to you. Spend quality time with people you care about and those who uplift you while minimizing time with those who judge and criticize. If you have a Grinch in your circle, say nice things to them for a very brief moment and move on to someone else. 

Ask for help when you need it. Know that you do not have to do everything yourself and let go of trying to make things your version of perfect. Choose to enjoy the reality of what is around you without wishing it to be different because it is all unfolding in perfect divine order just as it is, and you deserve to allow yourself to enjoy it. 

]]><![CDATA[November 07th, 2025]]>Fri, 07 Nov 2025 16:04:37 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/november-07th-2025
When I worked in alcoholism treatment, my extraordinary boss Ruth used to bring in books, ideas and statements that made us (staff and residents alike) really think. Her idea of recovery was an expansive one, especially for the 1980s, and one statement she made resonated and stayed with me. She said, "When you get to the place where you really like who you are and where you're at, get grateful for all the shit that got you there!” (Ruth, a little old gray haired lady in tennis shoes, had her own way with words.) She explained that the biggest challenges we face make us stronger and wiser if we allow ourselves to learn from them, and to be grateful for that wisdom because gratitude brings light and serenity. 

Author Alice Feeney frequently echoed this theme in her novels with statements like: “The mistakes she made gave her more happiness than sorrow.” This perspective values personal growth and a willingness to accept life on life’s terms rather than trying to enact a planned and perfect outcome. It is not always easy to hold onto this mindset when crisis strikes, but if you take some time to think about it now it might not be too far from your thoughts when it is needed. Perhaps make a list of all the events in your life that seemed awful at the time, but later proved to be beneficial. One person’s story as an example: “My high school sweetheart and I had planned to marry after we graduated and have lots of babies and live happily ever after. When his other girlfriend (?!?) got pregnant during senior year he married her, and I was devastated and heartbroken. Years later, I ran into him. He was divorced and drinking heavily, working in a dead end job. I realized that I had dodged a bullet and was very grateful.” 

Sometimes a trauma seems too large to apply this concept. The death of a loved one, a serious disease diagnosis, loss of home or livelihood can seem far too overwhelming. Remember to breathe, keep moving, take care of yourself and have faith that more will be revealed down the road. It has been said that “time heals all wounds” but what time really does is facilitate a shift in perspective, and that shift is what offers opportunities for healing. Reframing a challenge as an opportunity can open us to creative perspectives and solutions, while a negative point of view is limiting and can leave us feeling and suffering like a victim. Author Shauna Niequist expressed it this way: "When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” 

So this holiday season, express gratitude for all the bounty on your table, and also remember to be grateful for all the trials and tribulations that got you to a seat at that table. 

                  "The barn burned down. 
                    Now I can see the moon."      
                                               Rumi]]><![CDATA[October Tidbit: Powerlessness]]>Wed, 15 Oct 2025 13:39:18 GMThttp://www.conversationsforchange.com/monthly-tidbits/october-tidbit-powerlessnessThe feeling of powerlessness is probably the most challenging of all emotions, often leaving us without any sense of direction or control. It is frequently the under lying emotion behind other feelings, with anger, anxiety, and depression foremost on the list. Codependency, addiction, bullying, and other compulsive behaviors often have roots in a need to avoid feeling helpless. And perhaps the extreme discomfort that accompanies powerlessness is a contributing factor to the obsession with power and wealth often seen in our culture. We humans do not like to feel powerless and many seem to be far more comfortable replacing it with anger or aggression in pursuit of some sense of power. 

There is another way to look at powerlessness. Author Anne Lamont once referred to it as a “superpower of old age”, suggesting that acquired wisdom will allow us to recognize that things will usually work out without our needing to control them. If  we can recognize and accept when we are actually powerless we can let go of torturing ourselves with worrisome thoughts and recriminations. Awareness of where we are powerless allows us to focus on things where we do have control : our own thoughts and behaviors. With wisdom we begin to recognize that we cannot control or be responsible for the behavior of other people, but we can choose how to respond to their behavior, and in that choice is our power. 

Learning to accept reality does not mean we passively go along with everything. There are times to speak up and times to take action for change. We need the wisdom to distinguish where we can create positive change and where we cannot, and that can be confusing.  Even with an experience that is profoundly disruptive and beyond our ability to impact (think earthquake, loss of a beloved, wildfire, political insanity) we can use it as a crucible to explore our resilience and adaptability, to develop new skills and explore alternatives, to “think outside the box” in order to make better choices. It can be a powerful opportunity for creative growth as we learn to navigate the rapids and flux of the world we live in.  
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