It is our choice how we structure our relationships. We can build on a foundation of love and appreciation (and in romantic relationships we all usually start there) or from a perspective of fear and lack (where many of us tend to go when something scares us). We can learn to stay open and receptive to others and to choose to respond from the heart no matter what. Or we can live in old wounds from the past and reenact old conflicts over and over. When we recognize that our heart is shutting down we can ask ourselves what we need to do to keep it open. And then take the necessary action to do it. Maybe take a time out (a long slow breath or a walk on the beach), talk to a friend (doesn't matter how many legs they have), pray, tap, do some yoga, think of something to be grateful about, dance... make a list of possible options for yourself. It takes practice to choose positive action and we will sometimes make mistakes. (Mistakes can be wonderful learning opportunities if we allow them to illuminate our path instead of judging ourselves for them.) Or, we can choose to let our heart shut down and abandon ourselves to self pity or misery or anger or catastrophic thinking, which often becomes habitual and familiar.
We need to learn to take care of ourselves in relationships rather than expecting the relationship to take care of us. It does not serve us well if we interpret another person's attempts at self care as abandonment of us. More often we abandon ourselves by not speaking our truth or listening to our inner wisdom. Sometimes we project our own feelings onto others. We think they are doing it to us, when in reality we have let go of making ongoing choices to stay with our higher self, to keep our heart open. We have all felt abandoned at one time or another; it is part of living on this planet. We are born, people come and they go, we all die. And, paradoxically, at the same time we are all one, never alone, never abandoned; if we keep our hearts and minds open it is easier to recognize this. Our job is to learn to take care of ourselves and choose how to support positive emotional vibration in ourselves and thereby empower others to do the same, creating relationships based on mutual growth and appreciation. This is easier if we remember along the way that we have choices about how we respond.
"If all you did was just look for things to appreciate you would live a joyous, spectacular life. If there was nothing else that you ever came to understand other than just look for things to appreciate, it's the only tool you would ever need to predominantly hook you up with who you really are. That's all you'd need." Excerpted from the Abraham-Hicks workshop in San Antonio, TX on January 26th, 2002