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July Tidbit: Letting Go

7/27/2011

In my Alexander Technique group we were talking about standing upright. The teacher was explaining that uprightness isn't anything that you have to do. It is something that happens when you get out of the way and allow it to occur. Releasing little blockages or holding patterns that have developed over the years frees the body to become upright because that is its natural position. In essence, she was saying that when you let of what you don't need, you will find what you do.

The idea of getting out of your own way so that what is authentic can emerge has been tumbling inside my head for the past several months. Candace Pert, a molecular biologist, wrote about the body being the unconscious mind. Might it not then be true that when we let go of limiting beliefs that more natural posture and movement will also emerge? And when we inhibit the protective holding and gripping constraints that we have accumulated and allow our bodies to open and lengthen, will not more authentic beliefs accompany freer movement?

In his poem The Open Road, Walt Whitman wrote:
"Divesting myself of the holds that would hold me
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine,
and the north and the south are mine.
I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness."

Limiting beliefs, mind chatter, repetitive thoughts, and monkey mind are a few of the terms used to describe the mental 'holds that would hold' us, and they frequently operate beneath our conscious awareness. Quieting the mind means letting go of the noise and allowing a new emergence in the stillness. Releasing a habit of unconscious squeezing in the shoulders, or shallow breathing, or gripping in the jaw allows a new freedom of movement. I notice in yoga class that when a student relaxes and releases into a pose they have a much more productive experience than when they try To Do the pose. For many of us, this letting go seems a lot harder than holding onto old patterns. After all, we know what will happen if we continue to do what we have always done. Letting go means we face the unknown.

Perhaps if we become more willing to let go of our holds and embrace life as a flow, we, like Walt Whitman, will find more of our own goodness.

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Weekly Tidbit: Letting Go

2/17/2010

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Our breath provides an apt metaphor for how we live in the world. As we inhale we take in what we need to nourish us and as we exhale we release what has been used up. In and out; it is a natural flow that is controlled by both parts of our brain, conscious and unconscious. Its rhythm reflects our emotional states and its actions mirror our day to day activities of receiving what is new and letting go of what is done.

Death, economic loss, going to sleep, children growing up and away, relaxation, healing, hurricanes, falling it love.... these are but a few of the lessons in letting go that come with our earthly life. Some are exhilarating experiences. I remember a theatre exercise during college where I was asked to dive off a platform into the outstretched arms of the rest of the cast. Fear initially paralyzed my ability to jump, but when I finally let it go and flew through the air, my first thought after landing was that it was the most amazing thing I had ever done and I wanted to do it again. Other times 'letting go' experiences can feel devastating, with the only visible bright side being how we are able to draw together to support each other, as a tragic death in our town recently demonstrated. And some of our struggles with letting go simply and quietly erode the quality of our life; if we cannot let go our thoughts of the day, restful sleep eludes us.

If the exhale is such a natural thing, why is it so hard to let go? I suspect it is all fear based; holding our breath is a pretty common response when we are scared. Perhaps it is the fear of not knowing what will happen that drives us to hold onto what it is we think we do know, even if it is not a positive thing. Perhaps it is not trusting that we will be able to handle the next new thing that makes us cling to what is familiar, even when we have outgrown it. Perhaps it is simply not recognizing what we need to do and how to do it. The act of releasing is not always an automatic event, especially if some consensual belief has interfered either consciously or beneath our awareness. Surrender can take the shape of a three part process that includes first the awareness that I need to let go, making the decision to let go, and then taking the actions necessary to manifest the surrender. And sometimes we finally let go only to grab it back again, needing to repeat the process over and over until we eventually relinquish our fear and relax our grip.

There is a teaching story about a monkey who was delighted to find a huge jar of nuts during one of his excursions. He reached his hand into the jar and grabbed the tasty morsels, but was alarmed to discover that his fist full of nuts was too big to come out of the opening of the jar. As hard as he pulled, he could not get free and his unwillingness to release his prize in order to escape led to his capture.

Letting go is perhaps the most difficult thing we do. Did you know that some asthmatics experience breath impairment not because they cannot inhale, but because they cannot let go of enough of the old breath to allow room for new air to come in? As with our breath, releasing and letting go makes room for the new in our lives.

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Weekly Tidbit: Forgiveness

9/2/2009

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The hardest practice of forgiveness is the one we do with ourselves. I tell myself that I should have known, I should have seen it, I should have done better. But I didn't. Decisions I made in some situations were not the best ones. Sheldon Kopp wrote "All decisions are based on insufficient data". Meaning that we can only choose based on what we know at the moment, that at any time new information can come along that will give new perspective to our decision. And so we just do the best we can with what we know at the time. And we can choose to be OK with ourselves, choose to forgive ourselves over and over for being human or we can choose to not forgive and to punish ourselves in our withholding. So in that sense, suffering is truly optional, truly our choice.

One of my teachers told me that forgiveness is a process that starts with a decision. It doesn't happen all at once, but is a becoming. Starting with that decision we make small steps to move us closer to our goal and we make that decision be the right decision; no mind changing, no second guessing. We listen to our language and inhibit negative self talk. We make room in our mind for the possibilities of compassion and letting go. We come to understand the freedom in forgiveness. And in that becoming we move into our higher vibrational self, we choose to be happy and spread joy around in the world and invite others to feel good about themselves too.

I have come to believe we would all be better off if we could forgive everybody everything, starting with ourselves. And as I write about this, so I learn about this.

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Weekly Tidbit: More On Letting Go and Making Room

3/18/2009

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In her book The Wisdom of No Escape, Pema Chodron discusses the Buddhist concept of renunciation in language that invites new perspective and application.

"Renunciation is realizing that our nostalgia for wanting to stay in a protected, limited petty world is insane. Once you begin to get the feeling of how big the world is and how vast our potential for experiencing life is, then you really begin to understand renunciation......When we sit in meditation, we feel our breath as it goes out, and we have some sense of willingness just to be open to the present moment ........Every time we are willing to let the story line go, and every time we are willing to let go at the end of the out-breath, that's fundamentally renunciation: learning how to let go of holding on and holding back."

In these times of rapid and often frightening changes, the williness to let go of the past seems to be the lesson of the day. We need to let go of old ways of doing things and especially old ways of thinking about things. A lot of really good ways were appropriate in their time, but no longer fit today's world.

One of my clients told me a story about a family holiday ritual. Every Thanksgiving, the generations came together and ate an elaborately prepared meal that had a baked ham at its center. One Thanksgiving, as she was preparing the ham in the traditional way by cutting off the end before she seated it in the baking pan, her young daughter asked, "Mom, why do you always cut off the end of the ham?" She replied, "Well, I don't really know. My mother always did it that way, let's go ask her why." So they went to ask Grandma, who told them, "I guess I did it because my mother always did it that way". Fortunately Great Grandma was still with them and she told them, "Well, my mother always did it that way......... but come to think about it, I think she did it because her pan was too small."

Abundance is not about holding tight onto what you have, or what you have always done, but rather more about allowing the natural flow to make room for new blessings and paying attention to the choices you make. So clean out the closets, the ones in your house and in your mind, and notice what shows up to perch in your newly opened space.

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July Tidbit: Letting Go

Weekly Tidbit: Letting Go

Weekly Tidbit: Forgiveness

Weekly Tidbit: More On Letting Go and Making Room

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