A common complaint heard in couples therapy is the feeling of being taken for granted. Symptoms that often accompany that feeling include emotional shutdown, physical withdrawal, repressed anger and depression. The impact of lost appreciation between partners is a huge factor in the health of a relationship, and while Valentine’s Day reminded us to express our love, once a year is not enough.
Show appreciation to your beloveds on a regular basis. Let them know they are important to you in ways they can understand and appreciate, and to do that it is helpful to know what makes them feel loved and cared about. Giving flowers to someone who is allergic to them will not convey the message of caring that you intended. Let go of expecting another person to fit your image of who you want them to be and learn about who they really are and what is meaningful to them. This will provide opportunities to rekindle and strengthen your relationship. A simple exercise to help with that: You and your person each separately write 10 things that make you feel loved and cared about. It could be as simple as having a cup of coffee made for you, remembering an anniversary, apologizing for a mistake, saying thank you, or having a foot rub. Then exchange lists. Regularly do something on the list you receive from your person. It does not matter if the list item is not important to you. Maybe anniversaries have no significance to you, but if they are important to your beloved, then remembering them is important to your relationship and nurturing the relationship is beneficial to both of you.
Appreciation is a powerful motivational tool that improves both mental and physical health. It builds trust in relationships, encourages closeness, fuels productivity, reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and improves sleep. Both expressing and receiving appreciation actually changes your brain chemistry, causing the release of dopamine and oxytocin, frequently called the “feel good” chemicals, so appreciation could be viewed as a magnet for positive experiences. And it works with most relationships, including even teenagers and coworkers. So maybe in addition to celebrating one day a year dedicated to love, try putting some appreciation into all your days.
Show appreciation to your beloveds on a regular basis. Let them know they are important to you in ways they can understand and appreciate, and to do that it is helpful to know what makes them feel loved and cared about. Giving flowers to someone who is allergic to them will not convey the message of caring that you intended. Let go of expecting another person to fit your image of who you want them to be and learn about who they really are and what is meaningful to them. This will provide opportunities to rekindle and strengthen your relationship. A simple exercise to help with that: You and your person each separately write 10 things that make you feel loved and cared about. It could be as simple as having a cup of coffee made for you, remembering an anniversary, apologizing for a mistake, saying thank you, or having a foot rub. Then exchange lists. Regularly do something on the list you receive from your person. It does not matter if the list item is not important to you. Maybe anniversaries have no significance to you, but if they are important to your beloved, then remembering them is important to your relationship and nurturing the relationship is beneficial to both of you.
Appreciation is a powerful motivational tool that improves both mental and physical health. It builds trust in relationships, encourages closeness, fuels productivity, reduces stress, lowers blood pressure and improves sleep. Both expressing and receiving appreciation actually changes your brain chemistry, causing the release of dopamine and oxytocin, frequently called the “feel good” chemicals, so appreciation could be viewed as a magnet for positive experiences. And it works with most relationships, including even teenagers and coworkers. So maybe in addition to celebrating one day a year dedicated to love, try putting some appreciation into all your days.
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