When I worked in alcoholism treatment, my extraordinary boss Ruth used to bring in books, ideas and statements that made us (staff and residents alike) really think. Her idea of recovery was an expansive one, especially for the 1980s, and one statement she made resonated and stayed with me. She said, "When you get to the place where you really like who you are and where you're at, get grateful for all the shit that got you there!” (Ruth, a little old gray haired lady in tennis shoes, had her own way with words.) She explained that the biggest challenges we face make us stronger and wiser if we allow ourselves to learn from them, and to be grateful for that wisdom because gratitude brings light and serenity.
Author Alice Feeney frequently echoed this theme in her novels with statements like: “The mistakes she made gave her more happiness than sorrow.” This perspective values personal growth and a willingness to accept life on life’s terms rather than trying to enact a planned and perfect outcome. It is not always easy to hold onto this mindset when crisis strikes, but if you take some time to think about it now it might not be too far from your thoughts when it is needed. Perhaps make a list of all the events in your life that seemed awful at the time, but later proved to be beneficial. One person’s story as an example: “My high school sweetheart and I had planned to marry after we graduated and have lots of babies and live happily ever after. When his other girlfriend (?!?) got pregnant during senior year he married her, and I was devastated and heartbroken. Years later, I ran into him. He was divorced and drinking heavily, working in a dead end job. I realized that I had dodged a bullet and was very grateful.”
Sometimes a trauma seems too large to apply this concept. The death of a loved one, a serious disease diagnosis, loss of home or livelihood can seem far too overwhelming. Remember to breathe, keep moving, take care of yourself and have faith that more will be revealed down the road. It has been said that “time heals all wounds” but what time really does is facilitate a shift in perspective, and that shift is what offers opportunities for healing. Reframing a challenge as an opportunity can open us to creative perspectives and solutions, while a negative point of view is limiting and can leave us feeling and suffering like a victim. Author Shauna Niequist expressed it this way: "When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.”
So this holiday season, express gratitude for all the bounty on your table, and also remember to be grateful for all the trials and tribulations that got you to a seat at that table.
"The barn burned down.
Now I can see the moon."
Rumi
RSS Feed