Emotions are complicated. Sometimes they seem unmanageable and they have been known to cause people to do things they later regret. Occasionally two or more feelings are even in conflict with each other and we feel unbalanced and powerless. Other times they make us smile and laugh. And there are an awful lot of them in various degrees and colors and they can pop up unexpectedly, often surprising us with their intensity. I’ve frequently thought the world would be a much happier place if emotional fluency was a subject taught in our schools.
Emotional fluency means being able to go beyond the basic emotions of mad, sad, glad and scared, and be able to identify and talk about how you feel. To have words to describe and share feelings offers opportunity to understand and transform them, and to learn techniques to deal with those that are troublesome. Emotions are energy, pure and simple. The first Law of Thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, only converted from one form to another. So how do we transform those emotions that cause us problems into something more manageable?
Sometimes people try to get rid of uncomfortable feelings by burying them deep inside. While that may seem to work short term, inevitably they resurface in some way or form because the energy of those feelings cannot be destroyed. And, like electrical energy, they seek an outlet, although stored emotional energy can take years, or even decades before our internal containment begins to leak in ways that we notice. It might manifest eventually as depression, overeating, alcoholism, other destructive behaviors, disease, or relationship dysfunction. Often clients would come to me in their 40s or 50s to deal with buried emotions from childhood that had begun leaking from the depths in which they had been stored.
Our feelings, thoughts and behaviors are interconnected and if you change one you impact the others. If you stop and take a breath instead of just reacting to a feeling, you have already begun the change process with that action. Talking about your feelings, or writing about them, is another behavioral change. These small but powerful actions open doors to new ways to identify and better manage our emotions. Sharing experiences with others can give us further insight into new coping and transformational tools. It can feel challenging to find a safe way or a safe person to begin this process, so take small steps, be patient with yourself and ask for help when you need it.
Emotional fluency means being able to go beyond the basic emotions of mad, sad, glad and scared, and be able to identify and talk about how you feel. To have words to describe and share feelings offers opportunity to understand and transform them, and to learn techniques to deal with those that are troublesome. Emotions are energy, pure and simple. The first Law of Thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, only converted from one form to another. So how do we transform those emotions that cause us problems into something more manageable?
Sometimes people try to get rid of uncomfortable feelings by burying them deep inside. While that may seem to work short term, inevitably they resurface in some way or form because the energy of those feelings cannot be destroyed. And, like electrical energy, they seek an outlet, although stored emotional energy can take years, or even decades before our internal containment begins to leak in ways that we notice. It might manifest eventually as depression, overeating, alcoholism, other destructive behaviors, disease, or relationship dysfunction. Often clients would come to me in their 40s or 50s to deal with buried emotions from childhood that had begun leaking from the depths in which they had been stored.
Our feelings, thoughts and behaviors are interconnected and if you change one you impact the others. If you stop and take a breath instead of just reacting to a feeling, you have already begun the change process with that action. Talking about your feelings, or writing about them, is another behavioral change. These small but powerful actions open doors to new ways to identify and better manage our emotions. Sharing experiences with others can give us further insight into new coping and transformational tools. It can feel challenging to find a safe way or a safe person to begin this process, so take small steps, be patient with yourself and ask for help when you need it.
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