The holiday season at the end of the year has the potential to be a stressful time. Days are short with less light, expectations run rampant, and family of origin issues are stirred up. Most holidays are about rituals and many of us have decades of traditional imprints that are not pleasant. Since holidays were generally not fun in my childhood, as an adult I have chosen to re-organize how I celebrate this time of year. And celebration is a key word. 

Developing a personal mission statement can help us stay on track and avoid being drawn into old familiar and undesired patterns. Write about how you want to be (perhaps grateful, open hearted, balanced....), what you want to do (maybe laugh, be of service to others, connect with loved ones....) and the values upon which your being and doing are based (love, celebration, unity, sharing, self care). I find it helpful to focus on what I want rather than what I want to avoid.  In Alexander Technique we are taught that we tend to go where we are looking, and the Laws of Attraction remind us that we draw that which we give attention to, so focus on how you want to feel and act so you can give energy and attention to creating your positive experience. Set up a plan that supports your goals and find language that allows you to feel good. Instead of "not overeating", think about "enjoying every bite". Visualize allowing any negativity to pass thru you like mist in the wind instead of trying to protect yourself from it. If people offer you something you don't want (more food, alcohol, criticism), you could say something like "Thank you for thinking about me; what I would really like is a hug (or some fresh air)." I learned "thank you for thinking about me" from Virginia Satir; it is such a powerful response as it acknowledges the person's heart and gives no attention to any judgmental content. If you find yourself going down a path that leads you away from your mission statement intentions, stop, have a moment of gratitude for the recognition, and change direction to get back on track.

Create new rituals that are appropriate for you. Think about what the holiday means, or what you want it to mean this time around. For me, Thanksgiving is about gratitude and appreciation, so part of my personal ritual is to acknowledge my gifts of the year, and to let people know I appreciate them in my life. This is also a good time to practice the art of allowing, appreciating others for who they are instead of how you want them to be. If a negative feeling or memory finds its way into your mind, let it go and choose another thought or action that allows you to feel good again. I like to go to the beach on holidays, even if it is for just a few minutes of light and appreciation. What would make your celebration meaningful? Plan it into your day. Be grateful for every small positive change you make; vibrate at a level of appreciation for the little things and you will draw more to be grateful for into your life.

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A young couple won a contest and were awarded an all expense paid vacation to a resort on an island in the Caribbean. They were very excited and happy until a friend told them that this particular island was known for having a lot of snakes. Not being fond of snakes, they had some emotional pause, and being brave, they decide to go anyway. But on the flight to the island their concern about running into snakes grew into fear. So they did not sleep very well that first night, fearful that they would see snakes. The next afternoon, as they were coming back from the beach, they came upon a snake. Seeing the snake, their fear abruptly changed from fear of meeting a snake to an even bigger fear of being bitten by a snake. And the snake picked up on the fear vibe and got scared that he might be in danger himself, so he bit Sally. (Yes, fear is contagious.)  So their fear once again moved forward in time. No longer is it about seeing a snake, or getting bit by one, but the fear now is that Sally might die.

This is a made up story; nobody really got snake-bit. But it illustrates how fear manifests with the negative anticipation of something bad happening, not in the present moment, but in the future. One acronym of FEAR is Future Evidence Appearing Real. We deal with fear all the time; "what does being an adult teach you, daily, if not how to function in the face of fear?" (Everything Matters by Ron Currie, Jr.) I believe that we were given all of our emotions for a reason. Our evolutionary choice with fear is whether we feed it with more scary thoughts or just notice it as 'the call to attention' that it is and take a  next step to address what is calling to you. 

Paying attention and taking action in the here and now is therefore an antidote to fear; it is the giving of loving energy either to yourself and/or another. The Laws of Attraction state that we attract what we give attention to, so if we live with a lot of negative anticipation, we are likely to draw that which we fear most. 
 And there are always snakes in paradise. Yes, we do need to pay attention to avoid stepping on them, but if we feed the fear with our thoughts we are inviting them to a starring role in our reality. As Abraham / Hicks says, "Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don't want". Fear gives us another opportunity to observe, inhibit, and redirect, to choose how we create our lives. 

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