As the days of December carry us closer towards Christmas, it is good to take a breath and slow down, so the people and things most important to us don't get lost in the hustle.  Counting down the days with an advent calender and lighting candles are traditional ways for some to anticipate and savor the coming events. This year I have started what I hope will be a new tradition for me: to mark the remaining days  by writing down an appreciation for each day. Today I am grateful for the willingness and knowledge of how to create a mindful holiday experience.

Holidays are about anticipation. Sometimes people anticipate a negative thing and then devote precious energy to watching for it to happen. A better choice is keeping the focus on what brings joy to your season, on what you want to create this holiday. And it is important to remember that we always do have choices. For example, if you think about your holiday "to do" list as a "have to" list ( I have to buy presents, I have to make cookies, I have to call Aunt Tillie) you probably generate additional stress. Notice what happens in your body when you think of 'have to'.  Odds are good that your shoulders squeeze in, the head sags down...the situation is driving you rather than the other way around. Instead, can you notice that critical moment when you react out of habit and make a different choice? Even if it is something as simple as to choose to not squeeze your shoulders, to open and relax them, even for a moment. Every time we choose a different response we are blazing new neural pathways in our brain, and beginning to establish new patterns that can create new outcomes. 

What other choices can you think of to improve your holiday experience? The simple act of paying attention is powerful. Think about your goal for the day and ask yourself whether your choice at any given moment leads you closer to that goal or further away from it, and make your decisions accordingly. Practicing acceptance of other people and things as they are rather than the way you want them to be can relieve a lot of pressure. Choosing to allow yourself to be human and to take some rest when you need it is another option we sometimes overlook when we get caught up in the holiday. Simply staying mindful of your choices is a great gift to give yourself and your loved ones. The more we focus on what is in right in front of us, the more we might realize what we have. 

Wishing for every one a happy holiday season filled with love and light.
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"We've all heard about an illness in Central Africa called sleeping sickness. What we should know is that a similar disease exists that attacks the soul. It's very dangerous because the early stages often go unnoticed. At the first sign of indifference or lack of enthusiasm take note! The only preventive against this disease is the realization that the soul suffers, suffers greatly, when we force it to live superficially. The soul loves all things beautiful and deep."    Paul Coelho, The Winner Stands Alone

The idea that our soul needs nourishment as much as our bodies is integral to the concept of us as a biopsychospiritual being; that body, mind and spirit are all parts of the human whole. For some of us, our ability to do meaningful work, to provide service to others gives succor to our soul. For some it is the involvement in creativity, whether that be cooking  or sculpting or writing or knitting or dreaming or music or whatever floats your boat. Some people find intimate personal relationships are their primary way to enrich spirit and promote a sense of connection with all. Inspirational literature provides motivation and illumination on the path. Prayer and meditation are tools to work the garden. However you do it, we all need to feed our spiritual self. 

Being spiritual beings in physical bodies can complicate our quest for soul nourishment. The need for earthly care and desire for material possessions demands that we provide for the physical life part of our whole. It is easy to get caught up in our need to have and to do and neglect our soul self. When we become overly rooted in the physical world where our sense of individual identity is heavily emphasized, the ego grows in response, and the necessary balance between the soul self and the ego self is disrupted. Putting our attention to spiritual nourishment as well as corporeal sustenance helps restore that essential balance in our dual nature. 

Perhaps feeling over stressed is also a sign of succumbing to what Coelho calls "living superficially"; too much involvement in physical consensual reality leads to the neglect of our spirit self. As we move forward in the holiday season, remember to use your creative vision to maintain inner harmony and take the time to feed your soul. These are the shortest days of the year, time to look inward, to honor each other, and to celebrate our blessings. Include in your schedule the time to dance and dream and practice gratitude. Keep in mind that the most important ingredient in Christmas Cookies is love, that this season is about peace, and that presence is the best present you can give to yourself or to anyone. May you notice what is beautiful and allow yourself to feel what is deep.

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The holiday season at the end of the year has the potential to be a stressful time. Days are short with less light, expectations run rampant, and family of origin issues are stirred up. Most holidays are about rituals and many of us have decades of traditional imprints that are not pleasant. Since holidays were generally not fun in my childhood, as an adult I have chosen to re-organize how I celebrate this time of year. And celebration is a key word. 

Developing a personal mission statement can help us stay on track and avoid being drawn into old familiar and undesired patterns. Write about how you want to be (perhaps grateful, open hearted, balanced....), what you want to do (maybe laugh, be of service to others, connect with loved ones....) and the values upon which your being and doing are based (love, celebration, unity, sharing, self care). I find it helpful to focus on what I want rather than what I want to avoid.  In Alexander Technique we are taught that we tend to go where we are looking, and the Laws of Attraction remind us that we draw that which we give attention to, so focus on how you want to feel and act so you can give energy and attention to creating your positive experience. Set up a plan that supports your goals and find language that allows you to feel good. Instead of "not overeating", think about "enjoying every bite". Visualize allowing any negativity to pass thru you like mist in the wind instead of trying to protect yourself from it. If people offer you something you don't want (more food, alcohol, criticism), you could say something like "Thank you for thinking about me; what I would really like is a hug (or some fresh air)." I learned "thank you for thinking about me" from Virginia Satir; it is such a powerful response as it acknowledges the person's heart and gives no attention to any judgmental content. If you find yourself going down a path that leads you away from your mission statement intentions, stop, have a moment of gratitude for the recognition, and change direction to get back on track.

Create new rituals that are appropriate for you. Think about what the holiday means, or what you want it to mean this time around. For me, Thanksgiving is about gratitude and appreciation, so part of my personal ritual is to acknowledge my gifts of the year, and to let people know I appreciate them in my life. This is also a good time to practice the art of allowing, appreciating others for who they are instead of how you want them to be. If a negative feeling or memory finds its way into your mind, let it go and choose another thought or action that allows you to feel good again. I like to go to the beach on holidays, even if it is for just a few minutes of light and appreciation. What would make your celebration meaningful? Plan it into your day. Be grateful for every small positive change you make; vibrate at a level of appreciation for the little things and you will draw more to be grateful for into your life.

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