As the days of December carry us closer towards Christmas, it is good to take a breath and slow down, so the people and things most important to us don't get lost in the hustle.  Counting down the days with an advent calender and lighting candles are traditional ways for some to anticipate and savor the coming events. This year I have started what I hope will be a new tradition for me: to mark the remaining days  by writing down an appreciation for each day. Today I am grateful for the willingness and knowledge of how to create a mindful holiday experience.

Holidays are about anticipation. Sometimes people anticipate a negative thing and then devote precious energy to watching for it to happen. A better choice is keeping the focus on what brings joy to your season, on what you want to create this holiday. And it is important to remember that we always do have choices. For example, if you think about your holiday "to do" list as a "have to" list ( I have to buy presents, I have to make cookies, I have to call Aunt Tillie) you probably generate additional stress. Notice what happens in your body when you think of 'have to'.  Odds are good that your shoulders squeeze in, the head sags down...the situation is driving you rather than the other way around. Instead, can you notice that critical moment when you react out of habit and make a different choice? Even if it is something as simple as to choose to not squeeze your shoulders, to open and relax them, even for a moment. Every time we choose a different response we are blazing new neural pathways in our brain, and beginning to establish new patterns that can create new outcomes. 

What other choices can you think of to improve your holiday experience? The simple act of paying attention is powerful. Think about your goal for the day and ask yourself whether your choice at any given moment leads you closer to that goal or further away from it, and make your decisions accordingly. Practicing acceptance of other people and things as they are rather than the way you want them to be can relieve a lot of pressure. Choosing to allow yourself to be human and to take some rest when you need it is another option we sometimes overlook when we get caught up in the holiday. Simply staying mindful of your choices is a great gift to give yourself and your loved ones. The more we focus on what is in right in front of us, the more we might realize what we have. 

Wishing for every one a happy holiday season filled with love and light.
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A lot of things in life require attention to thrive and grow. We recognize that our children, our friendships, our skills, the garden, our pets all benefit from positive attention. The practice of gratitude is also one of those things that blooms with our consideration, and choosing to focus on appreciation as part of our daily routine can enrich the day and bring good cheer. The holidays are upon us and they offer times of celebration. What if this year we take the time to celebrate what we already have? Here are three questions for contemplation that might help make your holiday adventures more enjoyable this year.  

* Who are you grateful for in your life today? What person or persons bring a smile to your face or joy to your heart? Perhaps one of the gifts you give this season could be to let them know how much you value them. 

* What is one experience from your childhood that you are thankful for? Was there something that happened that made you stronger or smarter or happier? 

* What is something that you use every day, perhaps without even noticing it, that makes your life better? 

In her book State of Wonder, Ann Patchett cautioned, "Never be so focused on the thing you are looking for that you overlook the thing you find". Sometimes we are so intent on getting what we want or to where we think we should be that we lose awareness of what is around us. This time of year I practice gratitude for the beauty of winter light. The shortness of the autumn day makes it all the more valuable, and sometimes I feel like I don't get enough of the sun. So I choose to make a point of noticing the light, of taking a minute to stop and stand in it, soaking it up and being thankful for the way it spills into the room or dresses my garden with highlight and shadow. And when I do that, it does feel like enough at that moment, and I have brought contentment into my day.

We are at a position in the evolution of our species where we are learning more and more to live with uncertainty. Many of the day to day decisions we make have become so complex that we cannot predict the consequences. Yet, one point of power that we do have is the ability to choose where to direct our thoughts. We often cannot stop intrusive thoughts from popping into our mind, but we can choose to shift the gears and redirect our attention to cultivating gratitude for what we have right now. This day will never come again; use your thoughts to make it a good one. 
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I love the name of tomorrow's holiday. The giving of thanks, to be grateful, to appreciate ... these have become powerful tools of transformation in my life. On their namesake day, I invite you to take some time to focus on what you can be grateful for in your life. Whether you do a list on paper or in your head, if you do it, it will make your day better. According to an article sent to me by a friend this morning, you will feel happier.  "Research suggests that becoming more grateful could make each of us 25% happier -- and that being happy is the key to a longer, more successful life." 

Contrast is a good way to recognize and appreciate the boons we often take for granted. Some years back after a major hurricane, my neighborhood was without electricity for twelve days. Which is fine if you are camping or living in the highlands, but very challenging in humid south Florida in August. Today, whenever  I notice that the light goes on in my refrigerator, I smile. Thank you, Mr. Refrigerator, thank you Florida Power and Light. I can turn on heat or air conditioning as needed. I can listen to music, go online and learn things and connect with people that I care about.  I have a phone, and I can walk, and I can see, I can knit socks, I can talk, I can love.... The times that I could not do these things make me so grateful for the times that I can. 

The article goes on to say that "gratitude increases our sense of connection to other people. Having strong relationships is the single best predictor of happiness, and our relationships become stronger when we acknowledge the support we receive from those around us..... Gratitude also buffers us from envy, resentment and regret, emotions that inhibit happiness." From Robert A. Emmons, PhD, professor of psychology, University of California, Davis.

Sometimes those unpleasant emotions do show up, and when they do they have a message for us. They are giving us information, guiding us about our choices . And we get to choose how long we want to hang out with the messenger, or whether we want to make other choices. The best way I have found to gain the energy and motivation necessary to move forward with the information is to focus on something that I am grateful for, even if I am not feeling grateful at that moment. I choose to practice gratitude in order to be able to feel it, to choose how I want to feel in this moment. That shift in focus reminds me that wonderful things have happened and are happening in my life and it allows me to vibrate at an emotional level that invites more of the same.

So whether you do it as a family ritual around the dinner table, or silently in your mind, count your blessings this day.  If you are reading this, odds are good you have electricity. And if you make gratitude a habit, you will always have something to smile about.
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I'm having a grateful day. A grateful day is when you appreciate what you have, even if it is less than you had yesterday. I had that lesson brought home to me this week when my washing machine expired and I called about an ad in the paper for one for sale. The woman I spoke to said yes, she had a machine for sale, but it was not available for a week and a half and everybody "wanted it today". So we both laughed and got to talking and she told me her story. She is still using her washing machine today, but when she has to move out of her house due to foreclosure next week, she will be happy to sell it to me. I got real grateful for my situation real fast. 
 
Seven years ago when I was going through a time of tremendous change and letting go, a time when my life felt like it was coming  apart, a friend sent me this haiku by Mizuta Masahide: 
"Barn's burnt down.....
now I can see the moon."
Those few words seemed to me to evidence an almost holy attitude of gratitude. And they helped me shift perspective on my state of affairs, and I moved forward into more light by their grace. 

Gratitude has become one of my best tools and greatest joys. It raises my emotional vibration no matter how low I have gone. Making a gratitude list is an action that moves me out of self pity or fear or worry into a mode of creation. The active practice of gratitude literally changes my life in that moment and shapes my future because when gratitude is part of my daily life, wonderful things seem happen more often. The more gratitude I practice, the more I get to feel grateful about. I suspect that the vibration of gratitude is a close match to the vibration of manifestation.

I like the way Albert Einstein said it: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." May your eyes see with gratitude the beauty and miracles in your life every day.




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A spiritual teacher once told me "when you get to the place where you really like who you are and where you're at, you'll get grateful for all the s#!t that got you there". She was this little old gray haired lady in running shoes who was my boss when I worked for county alcoholism services back in the 80's. I didn't know then that she was my spiritual teacher and what she said often didn't sound spiritual or make complete sense to me but I knew it was important. She ran the residential program and was always bringing in new ideas, like the concept that we teach best what we most need to learn.  "We could use an Assertion Training Program for the clients. Charly, go put one together and teach it. " She had my number..... and I learned how to be assertive. 

An "angel mother", according to Clarissa Pinkola Estes, is a woman who appears in your life to give you something that you needed and didn't get in your childhood. Ruth was my angel mother for four years and I am, a quarter of a century later, still in awe of the tools she gave. Even my name came about in one of her fortuitous spelling accidents, teaching even without intention that anything, even accidents, can be gifts.

I pass on Ruth's wisdom to my clients and use it to shine light in my own dark places.  I came to understand that everything I experienced, especially the hard stuff, had good for me. Physical injuries helped me to know my unconscious mind, taught me to ask for help, brought me to the Alexander Technique, and provided tools for me to use and teach.  Relationship betrayals taught me lessons in acceptance, forgiveness, and compassion, to take risks and to keep my heart open because I learned that my heart is unbreakable when it is open. Catastrophes revealed hidden strengths and stimulated new brain pathways in the process of seeking solutions. Of course, I didn't usually see all the benefit while I was in the experience, but I learned to trust the process and seek guidance and support. Mostly it was in hindsight that I recognized that all the storms and upheavals  contributed to my knowing myself and growing myself and led me to other wonderful teachers who furthered my education. 

Today I get grateful that I can recognize my fear as it shows itself in new ways before it does much damage. It is illusive and I know it is my unconscious mind trying to prevent additional hurt, struggling to maintain the status quo because that is what the unconscious mind does best. It knows how to handle the status quo and change is scary. Old emotional memories spring to the surface in a misbegotten attempt to protect me. So I befriend my fear, sit quietly with it, observe it, see how it operates and how I can transform that fearful energy into love and gratitude, like my angel mother taught me. Thank you, Ruth, for your grace in my life, for playing it forward before we ever called it that.

Everything that happened in my life got me to where I am today, and I like where I am today. Every single troublesome thing, person and event helped me know myself. So I bless them and thank them and wish them love, happiness, and peace because that is what they have taught me to create. 

Namaste,
Charly

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Monkey Mind is described by Wikipedia as a Buddhist term meaning "unsettled; restless; capricious; whimsical; fanciful; inconsistent; confused; indecisive; uncontrollable." It is often used as a psychological metaphor for the chattering conversations in our mind hosted by "the Committee" .... conversations that often results in feelings of worry or anxiety. It is the left side of our brain that likes to justify our participation in these discussions; the part of our mind that likes to figure things out, solve problems, and wants to know the outcome so that we can be best prepared and survive whatever chaos is approaching. It makes good sense to figure out how to handle situations, except sometimes this pattern grows dominant to the point where it interferes with our serenity, creating  disharmony, imbalance, and dis-ease. A line from the Indigo Girls comes to mind: "You can stand there and agonize till your agony's your heaviest load." Our attempted solution has become the problem.

Monkeys often provide perfect imagery for the foibles of humans. Stories tell of catching monkeys by putting food in narrow mouthed jars that are anchored to trees. The monkey puts his hand in the container and grabs the food, and because he won't let go and his closed fist cannot exit through the mouth of the jar, he is captured. How like our mind when it will not let go of a troublesome idea; we hold ourselves prisoner.

It is the letting go that frees the monkey and frees the mind. Letting go of attachment doesn't mean that we give up or quit striving for our goals. It means that we choose to be okay with the reality of what is, that we relinquish our need for there to be a specific outcome, and instead trust that all things unfold in perfect divine order. It means trusting that "the will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you", as a friend recently quoted to me. This is not an easy practice. I often find myself with my hand in the jar holding onto something that I desperately want, that I want right now. And I am captured, deprived of emotional freedom by my own thoughts. 

So I relinquish my monkey mind by focusing on what brings joy into my life. I choose to inhibit worry and redirect my attention to what makes me happy. I go to the beach, talk to someone I love, do yoga, practice gratitude, dig in the garden, knit, read, listen to music.... If that is not enough to secure the return of my emotional freedom, I know techniques that will shift my energetic vibrations, and if I cannot do it on my own I know people I can ask to help me.  And then sometimes...... I remind myself of the house that I really wanted to buy when I moved back to Florida, the one I was sad not to get because I was second bidder and the first bidder bought it...... the house that was destroyed by hurricanes five months later. And I remember to add to my gratitude list that I don't always get what I want. 

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The use of gratitude as a transformative tool has been known to me since about 1980. Right around the time I got the name "Charly" I also got a lot of new and powerful tools. But having a tool and knowing how to use it can be two very different things; the learning curve was steep and long with this one. Cultivating "an attitude of gratitude" is a challenge if your head is filled with stinking thinking, woulds, coulds, shoulds, oughts and if onlies. To choose the action of writing each individual blessing for which you can be  grateful at this moment is a concrete task. It interrupts the flow of negative thinking and routes our thoughts to a new act that generates a feeling of wellbeing. It inhibits the old behavior and redirects thought, then action, to the new behavior. It follows a well documented recipe for change that we see in the Alexander Technique, in cognitive restructuring, in dog training, and in many successful approaches to altering behavior.

Writing is itself therapeutic. The act of typing on a keyboard or making letters with a pen or pencil is involving the body in a mental action. It connects circuitry of our brain with our hand and it connects our unconscious and our conscious mind. The study of the human mind has always fascinated me. It has such complex diversity and ability and yet often follows simple and habitual patterns to its own detriment when the conscious mind and the unconscious mind are working against each other. Writing is perhaps the simplest of the ways to access the unconscious and begin collaboration with the cognitive brain. More than once some pearl of inner wisdom has slipped out my fingers and surprised my eyes when I was writing.

Gratitude, according to Wikipedia, is thankfulness, appreciation, a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgement of a benefit that one has received or will receive. It has been called the highest form of prayer. It elevates the vibration in our body. Meister Eckhart wrote that "If the only prayer you say in your entire life is 'thank you', it will suffice." It allows us to become aware of the interconnectedness of all things. It is an expansion of our consciousness that invites health and happiness to be a regular component of our life. 

The simple act of writing a list of your blessings incorporates three proven methods for change: prayer, writing and the stop & redirect approach. Sometimes it is hard to get started and we have to go to the very basics. In  Letter to My Daughter Maya Angelou wrote about a time when she was so depressed that she had thoughts of killing herself and her young son. In desperation, she went to see a friend whose response to her suicidal intention was to sit her down with a pen and pad and insist she write her blessings, starting with the fact that she could hear.... then that she could see... could read...... When she reached that last line of her page, "the madness was routed". 

The hardest part for me was remembering to use this tool when I needed it. I've learned that if I make gratitude part of my daily practice it is easier to think of it when I have need. I usually start with "I am grateful I can walk", but seeing and hearing and loving follow up real quick. So what are you grateful for today? Go ahead and write it down, try this simple exercise. See how it makes you feel. And if you would like to share something about this experience, click on "Comment" above and there will be a place for you to post your comments. Thank you.

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