Worry can become a habit. Sometimes it can even grow to the proportion of an addiction and take on extra meaning besides the dictionary definition of "to allow one's mind to dwell on difficulties or trouble". Some people think that worrying about something will prevent it from happening, that it is a magic charm. Others, like my grandmother, thought that worrying about someone showed that you loved them. It was one of the few ways that she knew how to demonstrate love, so worrying was a daily part of her life. And for some people it is a family legacy, learned in childhood the same way they learned to speak. 

The problem with worrying is that it focuses on the problem, not the solution, and it invites feeling of fear, apprehension, and discomfort. Einstein once said that "no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it", so if we vibrate at the same level as the problem, odds are good that we will not come up with a viable solution. And we will spend that time of our life creating and experiencing uncomfortable feelings with our thoughts. "Troubleshooting " is a very different process than worry. The focus is on the solution and it is not accompanied by feeling of fear, but rather by feelings of curiosity and discovery. 

There are a lot of ways to work with the habit of worry. "Worry Time" is a cognitive approach that I frequently use with clients. The purpose is to increase awareness and choice regarding the experience of worry. It involves determining how much time you actually need to worry each week, and setting up specific "worry times" that you put on your schedule. So let's say you think you need to worry an hour a week (most people underestimate the time they really spend worrying). You can set up a "committee meeting" with the agenda of Worry on Tuesday afternoons from 3-4pm or maybe you want to break it into two half hour meetings. How ever you want to set it up is fine. Then, every time you start to worry about something you write it down for the committee meeting agenda and let it go, knowing that it will get done at the appointed time when you will give your full attention and focus to the agenda items and worry about them until the meeting time is over. This might sound a little silly, but every person who followed through on this assignment changed their habit of unconscious worry and reduced it to a point where it was no longer troublesome. 

Another way to decrease worry is to choose to direct your attention away the problem and instead think about something that makes you feel better. Gratitude always works for me. It shifts my emotional vibration to a higher level which allows me a better perspective, which shifts my emotional vibration to a higher level, which moves me to a better perspective, etc. And from that different level of consciousness, I am more likely to be able to allow a solution to manifest. Prayer can also be effective; choosing to believe that things unfold in perfect divine order allows me to move forward without fear. Try different approaches to reduce the time you spend worrying and gift yourself in the New Year with more time to do what you love.




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Some years ago enroute to Mt. Lassen on a horse camping trip with friends, our old truck began to lose power on the steeper sections of the road. The truck, known as Floyd, was soon struggling to keep speed even on the level surfaces and we had no choice but to pull over in a fairly large rest area. Despite our best attempts under the hood, we could not get Floyd to move at other than a snail's pace; no way he could pull the horse trailer to our mountain destination. By this time it was four in the afternoon on a Saturday in mid-summer. The horses were impatient, stamping their hooves. We were hot and tired and dreading the idea of spending the night on the side of the road.

We had a serious need for a mechanic. So I said a little prayer of petition requesting one and set about unloading the horses to make them more comfortable. About fifteen minutes later, a large RV driven by a tiny man accompanied by a very large woman holding a miniature poodle pulls into the turnout. The man climbs down from the cab and hobbles over to us. He asks for help to resolve an argument with his wife. They are lost and she insists they have already passed the town of Chester while he is adamant that they have not. With the help of our map and some loud conversation (he is hard of hearing), we provide the correct information and the man turns and hobbles back towards his RV.

As I watch him amble off, my thoughts return to our plight. Suddenly bells go off in my head and to the surprise of my companions, I race off after the man. As he is a rather slow mover, I catch him before he gets back to his vehicle.

 "Excuse me, do you know how to fix a truck?"

 "Eh?"

 "A truck. Do you know how to fix a truck?"

 "What kind of a truck?"

 "A Ford." I pointed to Floyd.

  "Oh, sure."

Without another word, he slowly makes his way to Floyd, climbs up the front bumper like a monkey and peers into Floyd's malfunctioning depths. Pulling a matchbook cover from his pocket to use as a tool, he does something for about a minute and then jumps down to tell us exactly what was wrong and that his jury rigging will last until Monday when we can get Floyd to a garage. And then he rejoins his wife and poodle and drives off towards the town of Chester while my friends stand open mouthed in wonder.

The miracle in this story is not that a man stops to ask directions and knows how to repair Floyd. The miracle is that I recognize him as the mechanic I had asked for even though his appearance is not in line with my expectations. He could have come and gone and I might have still been waiting on the side of the road for someone wearing overalls with "Mike" embroidered on the pocket. The miracle is in the perception. And this kind of miracle is available to us every day if we cultivate openness to seeing what is there. As Willa Cather wrote, "Miracles... seem to me to rest not so much upon faces or voices or healing power coming to us for afar, but upon our perceptions being made finer, so that there for a moment our eyes can see and our ears can hear what is there about us always".

The powers of perception and belief shape our lives more than we realize. May you see many miracles this holiday season.

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One of my clients died this year, after a long illness as they say. During our time of work together we frequently had conversations about forgiveness. She had carried strong  resentments towards a particular family member and believed that she was entitled to her resentments because this person had behaved badly many times. What she had trouble understanding was that she was compounding the injury to herself by carrying anger and hatred towards him. He wasn't suffering from it; she was. And when she came to a point of recognition that she had mistakenly believed that her resentment somehow magically protected her from being hurt by him again, there was an internal release, a sigh of letting go that began a transformational process of forgiveness, not only of him, but of herself. 

Resentments are conversations in our minds that keep us rooted in the victim archetype. If someone did harm to us, we are blameless and therefore absolved from any responsibility... or so some small voice in our head whispers. With resentment comes the belief that other people should be different from the way they are; that they should not have done what they did. Anchored in being right and justified, the ego embraces the delusional belief that we should get to decide how other people, places and things are supposed to be.  One definition of resentment is that it is a lack of acceptance of reality, a resistance to accepting what is because we don't like it. Believing ourselves to be victims tends to create more and more of the same patterns in our life script; more bad things happen because we expect them and make unconscious choices to support that view of ourselves in the world.

This time of year old family resentments are often dusted off and put on display with the rest of the holiday ornaments. Something that happened twenty years ago can be the centerpiece on the dinner table. Start up a conversation for change during this year's holiday celebration. Forgiveness starts with an inner conversation, the decision to become willing to forgive, to become willing to accept others for who they are. And that begins with accepting yourself with the feelings of anger or resentment that you have, acknowledging them without resistance, just accepting them for what they are. They've been with you for a while, they served you somehow, and now they are no longer moving you in the direction you wish to travel. Perhaps, like with my client, they gave the illusion of protection. Or maybe the feeling of righteousness was the only way you knew how to feel good about yourself. Whatever the reason, thank them, bless them, and surrender them up; choose willingness to accept and forgive yourself for having lived this world view, this lifestyle. And then choose something different, one decision, one moment at a time. When you notice yourself reverting to the old way of thinking out of habit, recognize, forgive, and redirect. Let your best present this year be a conversation of forgiveness and goodwill to all. Ask for help when you need it. Use this holiday season to practice and become the peace and love and forgiveness that you want to see in the world.
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"We've all heard about an illness in Central Africa called sleeping sickness. What we should know is that a similar disease exists that attacks the soul. It's very dangerous because the early stages often go unnoticed. At the first sign of indifference or lack of enthusiasm take note! The only preventive against this disease is the realization that the soul suffers, suffers greatly, when we force it to live superficially. The soul loves all things beautiful and deep."    Paul Coelho, The Winner Stands Alone

The idea that our soul needs nourishment as much as our bodies is integral to the concept of us as a biopsychospiritual being; that body, mind and spirit are all parts of the human whole. For some of us, our ability to do meaningful work, to provide service to others gives succor to our soul. For some it is the involvement in creativity, whether that be cooking  or sculpting or writing or knitting or dreaming or music or whatever floats your boat. Some people find intimate personal relationships are their primary way to enrich spirit and promote a sense of connection with all. Inspirational literature provides motivation and illumination on the path. Prayer and meditation are tools to work the garden. However you do it, we all need to feed our spiritual self. 

Being spiritual beings in physical bodies can complicate our quest for soul nourishment. The need for earthly care and desire for material possessions demands that we provide for the physical life part of our whole. It is easy to get caught up in our need to have and to do and neglect our soul self. When we become overly rooted in the physical world where our sense of individual identity is heavily emphasized, the ego grows in response, and the necessary balance between the soul self and the ego self is disrupted. Putting our attention to spiritual nourishment as well as corporeal sustenance helps restore that essential balance in our dual nature. 

Perhaps feeling over stressed is also a sign of succumbing to what Coelho calls "living superficially"; too much involvement in physical consensual reality leads to the neglect of our spirit self. As we move forward in the holiday season, remember to use your creative vision to maintain inner harmony and take the time to feed your soul. These are the shortest days of the year, time to look inward, to honor each other, and to celebrate our blessings. Include in your schedule the time to dance and dream and practice gratitude. Keep in mind that the most important ingredient in Christmas Cookies is love, that this season is about peace, and that presence is the best present you can give to yourself or to anyone. May you notice what is beautiful and allow yourself to feel what is deep.

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