I love the name of tomorrow's holiday. The giving of thanks, to be grateful, to appreciate ... these have become powerful tools of transformation in my life. On their namesake day, I invite you to take some time to focus on what you can be grateful for in your life. Whether you do a list on paper or in your head, if you do it, it will make your day better. According to an article sent to me by a friend this morning, you will feel happier.  "Research suggests that becoming more grateful could make each of us 25% happier -- and that being happy is the key to a longer, more successful life." 

Contrast is a good way to recognize and appreciate the boons we often take for granted. Some years back after a major hurricane, my neighborhood was without electricity for twelve days. Which is fine if you are camping or living in the highlands, but very challenging in humid south Florida in August. Today, whenever  I notice that the light goes on in my refrigerator, I smile. Thank you, Mr. Refrigerator, thank you Florida Power and Light. I can turn on heat or air conditioning as needed. I can listen to music, go online and learn things and connect with people that I care about.  I have a phone, and I can walk, and I can see, I can knit socks, I can talk, I can love.... The times that I could not do these things make me so grateful for the times that I can. 

The article goes on to say that "gratitude increases our sense of connection to other people. Having strong relationships is the single best predictor of happiness, and our relationships become stronger when we acknowledge the support we receive from those around us..... Gratitude also buffers us from envy, resentment and regret, emotions that inhibit happiness." From Robert A. Emmons, PhD, professor of psychology, University of California, Davis.

Sometimes those unpleasant emotions do show up, and when they do they have a message for us. They are giving us information, guiding us about our choices . And we get to choose how long we want to hang out with the messenger, or whether we want to make other choices. The best way I have found to gain the energy and motivation necessary to move forward with the information is to focus on something that I am grateful for, even if I am not feeling grateful at that moment. I choose to practice gratitude in order to be able to feel it, to choose how I want to feel in this moment. That shift in focus reminds me that wonderful things have happened and are happening in my life and it allows me to vibrate at an emotional level that invites more of the same.

So whether you do it as a family ritual around the dinner table, or silently in your mind, count your blessings this day.  If you are reading this, odds are good you have electricity. And if you make gratitude a habit, you will always have something to smile about.
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The holiday season at the end of the year has the potential to be a stressful time. Days are short with less light, expectations run rampant, and family of origin issues are stirred up. Most holidays are about rituals and many of us have decades of traditional imprints that are not pleasant. Since holidays were generally not fun in my childhood, as an adult I have chosen to re-organize how I celebrate this time of year. And celebration is a key word. 

Developing a personal mission statement can help us stay on track and avoid being drawn into old familiar and undesired patterns. Write about how you want to be (perhaps grateful, open hearted, balanced....), what you want to do (maybe laugh, be of service to others, connect with loved ones....) and the values upon which your being and doing are based (love, celebration, unity, sharing, self care). I find it helpful to focus on what I want rather than what I want to avoid.  In Alexander Technique we are taught that we tend to go where we are looking, and the Laws of Attraction remind us that we draw that which we give attention to, so focus on how you want to feel and act so you can give energy and attention to creating your positive experience. Set up a plan that supports your goals and find language that allows you to feel good. Instead of "not overeating", think about "enjoying every bite". Visualize allowing any negativity to pass thru you like mist in the wind instead of trying to protect yourself from it. If people offer you something you don't want (more food, alcohol, criticism), you could say something like "Thank you for thinking about me; what I would really like is a hug (or some fresh air)." I learned "thank you for thinking about me" from Virginia Satir; it is such a powerful response as it acknowledges the person's heart and gives no attention to any judgmental content. If you find yourself going down a path that leads you away from your mission statement intentions, stop, have a moment of gratitude for the recognition, and change direction to get back on track.

Create new rituals that are appropriate for you. Think about what the holiday means, or what you want it to mean this time around. For me, Thanksgiving is about gratitude and appreciation, so part of my personal ritual is to acknowledge my gifts of the year, and to let people know I appreciate them in my life. This is also a good time to practice the art of allowing, appreciating others for who they are instead of how you want them to be. If a negative feeling or memory finds its way into your mind, let it go and choose another thought or action that allows you to feel good again. I like to go to the beach on holidays, even if it is for just a few minutes of light and appreciation. What would make your celebration meaningful? Plan it into your day. Be grateful for every small positive change you make; vibrate at a level of appreciation for the little things and you will draw more to be grateful for into your life.

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One day some years ago I was at Muir Beach in northern California with my dog Toby. Toby was a really great dog, but he had a nasty habit of rolling in things that smelled bad. Well, on this day he found a ripe stinky dead fish and had a very vigorous back roll on it. And then, being delighted with the experience, he wanted to share the joy and snuggle up next to me while I was reading on my blanket. I did not like the idea of being cozy with a fetid dog, so I spread out a towel for him downwind and instructed him to lay himself down on it. When he did, I returned to reading my book. Within a few minutes there was a white paw next to me on my blanket. I looked at it and thought about what happens when you let a camel put his nose in your tent. And also thought about how I did not want to ruin the energy of this beautiful beach day by chastising  him, so I just picked up the paw without comment and put it back on his towel. Less than a minute later it was back on my blanket and I returned it to his towel, again without saying anything. This went on for probably 6 or 8  more times until finally I heard a deep sigh and Toby settled down for a nap. The paw did not return, and I was grateful for the undisturbed beauty of the day and especially for the breeze blowing  sweetly over us carrying his pungent scent away.  

Afterwards, I thought about how this mirrored an approach to changing human conduct as well as canine behavior. To simply hold an intention (no stinky dogs on blanket), inhibit behavior that does not support that intention (pick up the paw to prevent further intrusion) and redirect the action to support the intention (return paw to towel). So if I want to change a behavior or thought pattern, I can apply the protocol of "puppy paws on the blanket" with the recognition that I may have to repeat the process over and over and over until the new response settles in. That is the part that Toby taught me.... to be gently and firmly persistent. Too often, we give up after the second or third try and then need a crisis to bring our attention back to the now dramatic need for change. Determine your desired change, break it down into manageable pieces, attend to each step with loving attention and repeat as needed. We have the ability to change ourselves, and sometimes we can use a guide to show the way
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