Sometimes we become so attached to the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves that they obstruct our growth and happiness. In the 1960's, the comedy team known as the Smothers Brothers used to do a running joke about "Mom always liked you best". It was funny because we could see how it defined  their relationship, and we could laugh at this silly attachment to a belief with a hint of recognition that we had similar patterns, but  without having to identify our own ego based stories.

I overheard someone in a store telling her friend how she could never lose unwanted pounds because of her heredity. Her family members were overweight, their metabolism just didn't allow for weight loss, etc.... and so it was. "Whether you think you can or your can't....  you are right" said Henry Ford. He understood how stories work.

Stories can be about characteristics (like being overweight or clumsy) or about the way things happen to us (being a victim, being unloved)or about patterns that we expect to occur (doing better under pressure, being rejected). Why do we cling to our scripted  stories  when  they  bring  us  more  of  the  same?
One reason has to do with how emotional memories are stored in the body. Another reason is that they give us a sense of identity and the ego loves certainty in all its forms. The unconscious mind does not hold the concept of time as we know it consciously, so in part of our intelligence, if it happened in the past, it is still happening now. 

An example: Someone feels betrayed at in early age in a significant relationship. It is very painful and emotional energy is locked in the body without release. When that person becomes intimate in another relationship perhaps they see a behavior, or a mood, or a facial expression that triggers the cellular memory of the earlier betrayal and the seed thought of mistrust is planted in the new relationship.  It is easy to see how carrying a story about being betrayed would lead to not trusting; and how not trusting would lead to feelings that would perpetuate the same experience. And then the story about how hard it is for us to trust people because of having been betrayed becomes our reality.

The why of it is of course less important than taking action to change it. Awareness is the first step; listening and recognizing that you are creating a specific reality by telling  and retelling a particular story. Beliefs are simply thoughts that we tell ourselves are true, so if we have come to believe the story, it has become  true for us. After recognition comes inhibition and then redirection of our thoughts.  If we can interrupt the old story and let go of attachment to it, we can create a new story that does not follow the same script. I love the line in TAT work (Tappas Acupressure Technique)that says "It happened, it is over, I can relax now". It gives permission for the unconscious to let go and creates room to choose a new story that strengthens our ability to create what we want in our lives instead of repeating what we have always manifested. 

When we catch ourselves in an old story, I think it is helpful to acknowledge it for having served us in some way in the past. At one time, it was useful, or we would not have created it. So thank it for that, and then tell it and yourself that you set it free, that it is no longer needed. To start a new story, think about what you want to happen, about what you want to create for yourself. Literally write a new story that illustrates the desired outcome and then take the necessary actions to make it real. When choosing action, ask if it moves your closer to your goal or further from it, and use that as a guide. Ask for help if you need it. 

When I was very young, I heard my mother continually telling people that I was shy when I was not chatty with strangers. So "she's just shy" became one of my stories, and that way of being plagued me through school. Until senior year when I decided that I didn't like it, that it was painful and I didn't want to be that way, so I enrolled in a theatre class to push my limits and learn new scripts, literally and figuratively. Taking a class, saying affirmations, listening to inspirational CDs, support groups, hypnosis, TAT and EFT are all tools to create new scripting. 

So think about what would make you happy, and set about the creation of a new way of being in the world. Change your stories, change your life.

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Someone asked me recently about acceptance, specifically about how to accept things that you really don't like or don't want to be happening. Accepting what we deem unacceptable is one of the big challenges in this earthly life. Things happen that we don't want to be part of our reality. People die, they leave us, things break, the world changes. Our subconscious mind tends to cling to what is familiar and resists change; and in that resistance, we create suffering. 

Most of us strive to to avoid pain and try make the world meet our expectations. One way of creating what we want is  envisioning a mental image  and asking for it to be given. And when it is, we can choose to be grateful for the shape it comes in or we can insist that we know better and it should have been more exact to our specifications....  and by doing so, make ourselves dissatisfied.  Refusal to accept something is the result of the conflict between the reality of how something is and the way you want it to be. The world does what it does regardless of whether it has your approval, so your choice is to resist and create pain, or accept and find a positive perspective that allows you to feel good about it. 
 
Other people, even those people we deeply love,  just don't "act right" sometimes. They make decisions that we don't like and do things that are not in accord with our values and desires. So we can resist and argue and be angry and resentful, or we can accept them as they are and choose to love them anyway. Our refusal to accept other people, places or things the way they are creates negative emotion. Our ego likes to argue with reality, to insist on our desires and perceptions as being right, frequently leaving us facing the choice of being right or being happy. 

What is, is. It is our thinking about it that creates the pain or pleasure, and perhaps it is our thinking that created what is in the first place. So I like to ask "What is it about me that is drawing this experience to me at this particular time? What I am doing to create this and what can I learn from it?" If everything is part of earth school, and we create our own reality, then on some level I chose this experience. And then I can choose the perspective that whatever it is, it is in my best interest because everything unfolds in perfect divine order. And when the reality is a loss, a death, large or small, I grieve it and I give thanks for what I once had and practice the fine art of letting go with love. And I recognize that it is called practice because it is something I do over and over with the intention of getting better at it. 

Acceptance does not mean that we necessarily like or approve of what is, but simply that we acknowledge it as being that way and choose to be OK with reality.  In order to get to where we want to go, we have to start where we are.  Remember that our reality is determined by our perceptions, by our thoughts. We can recognize the existence of something without having to like it and still find a way to practice gratitude for it. Which reminds me of the story Father Martin used to tell about two boys: One boy was left in a room filled with toys and games and candy and pretty near everything a boy his age could want. A second boy was left in a room that was wall to wall manure. An hour later, the first boy had not touched any of the goodies and when asked why, said that he knew he would have broken the games and gotten sick from eating too much candy, so why bother. In the other room, the second boy was happily shoveling the manure and whistling. When asked what he could possible be so cheerful about, the boy smiled and replied, "Mister, with all this crap in here, there's gotta be a pony somewhere."


"When you are praising, when you are appreciating, when you are acknowledging value, when you are looking for positive aspects, when you are laughing, when you are applauding, when you are joyous, when you are feeling that feeling of appreciation pulsing through you, in those times there is no resistance within you. You are in those moments, vibrationally up to speed with who you really are." Abraham / Hicks
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"Pastures in the sun"...... For some reason that phrase conjures up deep feelings of peace and contentment for me. I see horses grazing in a field, trees moving in a gentle breeze, and I can faintly hear the sound of running water.....and my whole body just sighs a big "ah". Mind and body together jettison any tension or anxiety and move to a state of deep, peaceful well being. 

I have read that it is in moments of deep relaxation that our bodies do the best quality repair and maintenance. During most of our day, our energy is elsewhere diverted into thinking and doing things. And when we are overly busy or stressed, not much energy goes into the processes of digestion or cellular repair. If our body moves into a state of high alert, digestion shuts down in response to the flight or fight chemicals that are released to support the escape or combat we would be preparing for if we lived in earlier times. Even in sleep, we are usually subconsciously processing the events of the day. No wonder we have so much dis-ease.

Taking time to relax every day is one of the most loving things you can do for your body, even if it is just for a few moments. Whether it is imagining your "safe space" or perfect retreat, meditating or hypnosis, or simply staring with an empty mind at the ocean or moving water, that quiet time supports your body's ability to thrive in the physical world. One of the most healthful things you can teach your children (perhaps even as you learn yourself) is the gift of relaxation, the slowing of the breath, the quieting of the body and mind..... spending time in restorative moments.
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I'm having a grateful day. A grateful day is when you appreciate what you have, even if it is less than you had yesterday. I had that lesson brought home to me this week when my washing machine expired and I called about an ad in the paper for one for sale. The woman I spoke to said yes, she had a machine for sale, but it was not available for a week and a half and everybody "wanted it today". So we both laughed and got to talking and she told me her story. She is still using her washing machine today, but when she has to move out of her house due to foreclosure next week, she will be happy to sell it to me. I got real grateful for my situation real fast. 
 
Seven years ago when I was going through a time of tremendous change and letting go, a time when my life felt like it was coming  apart, a friend sent me this haiku by Mizuta Masahide: 
"Barn's burnt down.....
now I can see the moon."
Those few words seemed to me to evidence an almost holy attitude of gratitude. And they helped me shift perspective on my state of affairs, and I moved forward into more light by their grace. 

Gratitude has become one of my best tools and greatest joys. It raises my emotional vibration no matter how low I have gone. Making a gratitude list is an action that moves me out of self pity or fear or worry into a mode of creation. The active practice of gratitude literally changes my life in that moment and shapes my future because when gratitude is part of my daily life, wonderful things seem happen more often. The more gratitude I practice, the more I get to feel grateful about. I suspect that the vibration of gratitude is a close match to the vibration of manifestation.

I like the way Albert Einstein said it: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." May your eyes see with gratitude the beauty and miracles in your life every day.




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The hardest practice of forgiveness is the one we do with ourselves. I tell myself that I should have known, I should have seen it, I should have done better.  But I didn't. Decisions I made in some situations were not the best ones. Sheldon Kopp wrote "All decisions are based on insufficient data". Meaning that we can only choose based on what we know at the moment, that at any time new information can come along that will give new perspective to our decision. And so we just do the best we can with what we know at the time. And we can choose to be OK with ourselves, choose to forgive ourselves over and over for being human or we can choose to not forgive and to punish ourselves in our withholding. So in that sense, suffering is truly optional, truly our choice. 

One of my teachers told me that forgiveness is a process that starts with a decision. It doesn't happen all at once, but is a becoming. Starting with that decision we make small steps to move us closer to our goal and we make that decision be the right decision; no mind changing, no second guessing. We listen to our language and inhibit negative self talk. We make room in our mind for the possibilities of compassion and letting go. We come to understand the freedom in forgiveness.  And in that becoming we move into our higher vibrational self, we choose to be happy and spread joy around in the world and invite others to feel good about themselves too. 


I have come to believe we would all be better off if we could forgive everybody everything, starting with ourselves. And as I write about  this, so I learn about this. 

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