In my training as a therapist and a life skills coach I learned to observe patterns and relationships. How things show up in predictable and noticeable arrangements applies to the physical structure of the natural world as well as to human behavior. Specific patterns are likely to perpetuate because of how well they accomplish a particular survival goal, whether it has to do with  absorbing maximum sunlight or justifying the validity of a personal belief or story. 

One example of this is the Fibonacci sequence, a mathematical progression that begins with 0 followed by 1, with each succeeding number being the sum of the two preceding numbers. The ratio of this progression comes out to be 1.618033988...., meaning that each next number is that much times the one in front of it. This particular sequence occurs with awesome frequency in nature. You can see it in seashells, flowers, pineapples, pine cones, tree branches and a thousand other manifestations, including the measurements of the human body. For example, the length of each digit of the human finger going  from the tip to the wrist increases in accord with the Fibonacci ratio. Not everyone is exactly in perfect sync to this pattern, but it is interesting to note that according to research studies, the closer one comes to that precision, the closer one is subjectively rated as "pleasing to the eye". 

Most of us are familiar with the parallels between computers and the human brain. This week I came upon another example of a parallel between machines we have created and our ways of functioning in the world. While I have always been pretty handy, I have been reluctant to try to repair electronic appliances, and deciding to fix my malfunctioning clothes dryer was my first solo foray into the electrical mechanical world. Previously, if I could not fix an appliance with either a good whack or prayer, it got repaired by someone else or replaced. This time, armed with a newly purchased digital multimeter and the encouragement and coaching of the staff from a very helpful local appliance repair shop, I set about testing the fuses and devices that controlled the manifestation of heat in my dryer. Following the directions I had been given, I poked the cable tips of my multimeter into the designated places to measure resistance. According to my newest teacher, if a part evidenced too much resistance, it could not do its job and needed to be replaced. "Hmmm..... that sounds familiar" went the pattern seeking component of my brain, and my recent tidbit on "No Resistance" flashed into my mind. Just as our release of resistance to the flow of reality around us can increase our power to accomplish and move energy in a more positive direction, apparently the same is true for home appliances! Once I had a frame of reference, electricity made sense to me; it is just another form of energy that needs to move. I found and replaced the resistant thermostat, energy was no longer blocked..... and there was heat. 

The concepts of electricity with its ohms and amps and potential to electrocute had always been daunting to me. But the empowering experience of being at the receiving end of coaching and step by step simple instruction allowed me to successfully venture into uncharted territory and experience the sweetness of accomplishing a significant goal. I felt really powerful about my ability to learn and accomplish something, especially something that I had previously feared and avoided. I deeply appreciated the skill and support of the repairman who, when I thanked him, told me that I had done "all the work", that he simply "offered instruction" and that my ability to "listen and follow directions" was what lead to the result. While he never referred to himself as a coach, I would certainly designate him the title of Master Mechanical Skills Coach, not only for his knowledge, but for his method of teaching. The unfolding pattern of the Buddhist maxim, "when the student is ready, the master will appear" has proven true for me once again.

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Not long ago a lynx came out of my neighborhood and crossed the street in front of me while I was riding my bike. It happened on a shaded part of the road near a park; I stopped and stared in awe with wide eyes. I live on the Atlantic coast of Florida, in an area that I consider heavily occupied by humans, especially in winter which was when this event occurred, so seeing a wild cat on a usually well traveled road was startling. Internet research later revealed that lynx are not uncommon in populated Florida areas; but while their tracks are plentiful, actual sightings of the animal are very rare. Part of this is because they are graceful and stealthy in movement and their coloring acts as camouflage. But  I wonder if a large part of their invisibility is because people don't expect to see wild animals in their neighborhoods and therefore don't see them even when they are present.

There is a scene in the movie "What the Bleep" that describes a Caribbean tribe's inability to see Spanish ships on the horizon because the tribe did not have the concept of a large boat that could ride on the water. Once the idea was introduced to them by a shaman who saw the ripples in the water and was able to expand his mind to the new concept, they could all see the ships. I think of Einstein noticing ripples in the universe and opening his mind to new ways of viewing and understanding. I wonder what is going on around us every day that we do not see because our minds are not open to the perception. What amazing phenomenon occur daily outside our awareness? I wonder how many times I miss seeing something because I do not have the vision that allows me to see it. 

When I sit with my own questions, something I often ask myself is "what are my choices here?" Whether it is conscious or unconscious, humans tend to see what we expect to see, that which is in our anticipation and awareness. Many of us have had the experience of coming into contact with an unfamiliar car, and afterwards noticing that make of car on every corner. Likewise, if we anticipate a particular behavior from someone, odds are good that we will see it frequently. If we expect ourselves to fail, or be unloved, or not get what we want, it is likely we will see it happen that way. In a previous tidbit I wrote about how the human mind fills in the details of a situation to fit what we think is right and appropriate, to manifest 'our story' about what we believe to be true. So if we decide that something is a certain way, it is that way for us as the result of our perception and co-creation. In his book, Man's Search For Meaning, Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist and concentration camp survivor, wrote about "the last of the human freedoms",  the ability " to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way". And so, consciously using my best human freedom, I remind myself to choose to be open to possibility, to see events as opportunities, and to cultivate an attitude of awareness and appreciation for what is around me. As a result, I am gifted to see a lot of things that I previously missed: beautiful wild cats, miracles, synchronicities, sunsets, and significant evidence that leads me to believe things unfold in perfect divine order. May you see what you need to see. 




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One special gift of being human is our talent for creating imagined reality in our mind. When I was a child it was often called daydreaming, and as such was usually discouraged because it tended to interfere with institutional education. While being present and focused in the moment is certainly a valuable ability, so is the formulation of possible and alternative paths and outcomes. Recent changes in thought have now elevated this ability to create reality in our mind to a significantly powerful  place in our (re)education.

While it was previously believed that the neural processes that underlie perceptual learning were dependent on experiential stimulus, it is now thought that mentally generated signals can be equally effective. Research suggests that the act of visually imagining the replication of a task enhances learning and improves skills. Studies in sport performance indicate that the practice of visually imagining proficiency with a particular action has as much, if not more benefit, to actual performance as the physical repetition of that action. Several professional athletes acknowledge visualization as an important part of their training procedures. Perhaps those guys who played "air guitar" were smarter than we thought.

Albert Einstein, a notorious daydreamer, opened comprehension to previously uncharted systems of thought, and radically changed scientific belief and practice with his imaginings. "In recent years... scientists have begun to see the act of daydreaming very differently. They've demonstrated that daydreaming is a fundamental feature of the human mind -- so fundamental that it is often thought of as our "default" mode of thought. Many scientists argue that daydreaming is a crucial tool for creativity, a thought process that allows the brain to make new associations and connections." This quote is from an article by Jonah Lehrer entitled Daydream Achiever, published in the Boston Globe. 

So, as an experiment, take a few moments each day and think about something you want in your life. Give mental energy to your fondest creative fantasy and see what happens. Daydream about it, make some mental movies that invite an accompanying pleasant emotional response. Set those brain impulses firing in a direction that brings you closer to creating the life you really want. The Alexander Technique teaches that action follows thought so send those thoughts somewhere where they can invite new perceptions, new choices, and new actions to bring your dreams to fruition.

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"Sometimes we find ourselves walking through our lives blindfolded, and we try to deny that we're the ones who securely tied the knot." Jodi  Picoult, in her novel Handle With Care

As an experiment, try this: Think about something that worries you. Go ahead and worry about it. Be deeply concerned with what is wrong or what could go wrong. Notice how your body responds to those thoughts. What sensations are your aware of in your physical body? How do you feel emotionally? Now think about the same issue from a perspective of curiosity. Isn't this interesting? I wonder how it will resolve. How does this all fit together and what can I learn from it?  Then notice how your body feels. Notice your emotions. What might be the short term impact of each of these attitudes on your decisions for the situation? What might be the result of living long term in either position?

Recognizing the extent that we create our reality with our thoughts is a concept that brings up a lot of resistance. Who wants to be told that we are responsible for creating what we see as a problem? It sometimes feels like nonproductive blame or criticism, and that judgement about it generates yet more resistance. "It's not my fault.... I was born this way..... He did it to me." Our excuses diminish our sense of responsibility and also diminish our power as we put the locus of control outside of ourselves.  What if we shift our perspective to look upon each situation as an opportunity we created to learn something valuable that will assist us in creating more of what we want? What if all of our relationships are teaching relationships and we chose each other as fellow student teachers? We could just let go of blame altogether and instead put energy into what we can change about ourselves and our choices about what we think and how we act.

Viewing myself as the co-author of a particular lesson plan rather than victim of someone else's behavior allows me to focus on the potential power of resolution rather than stay mired in the problem. "When you step into the victim position by pointing the finger of blame, you short the circuitry in yourself that allows you to feel the natural organic ecstasy of fully standing in a co-creative position with the universe itself, " wrote Gay Hendricks, psychologist and author of many books on creating consciousness in relationships and in life. When I judge and blame, whether it is myself or someone else, I limit my movement, my freedom. I constrict the focus of my attention. For me, it is often my body that brings this constriction to my attention with stiffness and pain. When I cultivate an attitude of curiosity, of attentive interest and compassionate inquiry, there is an opening that invites positive creation, that encourages new thoughts and possibilities and reminds me of my role as co-creator. 
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One of the things I like about coaching is that it focuses on the different ways people learn and invites the integration of information using an individual's strengths. This can have a huge positive impact on a person's self image especially if they have learned to judge themselves in comparison to how others process information and equate 'different' with 'not good enough'. 

Some years back a teenager was referred to me  because she was in danger of being asked to leave school as the result of  behavioral problems. She was in her third school system and her parents were at a loss as to where she might go if she was unable to matriculate in this one. They reported that she did not do her schoolwork, often did not go to school, and when she did go, she was attitudinal with teachers and frequently got into fights with other students. Therapy was offered to her as a last resort and she was not exactly happy about it, so our initial sessions were about her frustration and despair. Listening to her, it was apparent that she had taken in a lot of criticism and judgement about her abilities and had come to see herself as stupid, hopeless and incompetent. And it was also apparent that she evidenced an extraordinary amount of insight into the relationship dynamics in her friendships and was gifted with compassion and humor. This girl was by no means lacking intelligence, but she surely was having trouble learning in a traditional educational system. She was unable to effectively assimilate information via the printed word or even in a lecture. Written language and one dimensional sound tracks did not compute well in her system, but experiential processes that allowed her to be actively involved in real time interactions showed her to be very bright. As we continued to explore a more kinesthetic approach to learning, she began to shift her perception and think that maybe she was smart and had viable skills. The tone and pace of our sessions changed dramatically as she developed a framework to make sense of her academic struggles and became able to ask her teachers for what she needed at school to facilitate her comprehension. She graduated high school and went on to make a successful career for herself in a field that optimized her skill base. Her biggest challenge had been to learn how she learned. 

Human intelligence manifests in a myriad of ways. We commonly think of left brain logical cognition and right brain emotional processes; those categories are simplistic and possibly not even really accurate. In addition to (or perhaps resultant from) the different physiological and biochemical components of intelligence, there are also huge differences in orientation. Some of us are visually oriented, and often project our own vision onto external reality. And then get disappointed with another doesn't get the same picture. Some people literally think in pictures rather than words. Others are primarily attuned to sound and audio responses. Intuitive and intellectual, they sometimes hear their own inner dialogue louder than external conversations, and are often interpretive and analytic. Kinesthetically oriented people are natural discoverers and learn by doing; they may tend to be overly compassionate with others and dubious of a logical approach. Digital style people lean towards being rational and logical, often scholarly and brilliant, but their heart connection may not be easily accessible. Each orientation is accompanied by both assets and challenges. Picture a digitally oriented father lecturing to a kinesthetically oriented teenage daughter and you can get how easy it is to hit roadblocks in communicating with someone whose style is not the same as yours. When we are able to understand our own learning style, and then how it interfaces with that of someone else, we improve our abilities to communicate, to get our needs met, and to create more of what we want in this life. 




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