In order to change a behavioral pattern it is necessary to address the mental and emotional habits that support the status quo. We tend to think the same thoughts, reenact the same emotional scenarios, and do the same things over and over. Neural pathways become well established highways and the unconscious mind continues to repeat the sequence for the comfort of familiarity and the illusion of safety. I learned this as a psychotherapist and am learning it again in my Alexander Technique lessons as I continue to focus on the interaction of body and mind and spirit. 

 If our pattern involves an object we develop electromagnetic circuitry in the exchange of energy. Often we give that object (whether it is a person or a substance or a role) power by believing we need it, that it will make us feel better. With over-identification,  we can become dependent, passive, lose connection with our intuition and our self esteem. It is more our emotional needs that drive the addictive pattern, and they are often unconscious. As an example, many of us who felt out of control in our past developed habits of being right, doing things perfectly, winning, or controlling / caretaking others only to find that these patterns took control of us. And sometimes when the stress of these driving patterns became too intense, we often medicated ourselves with alcohol or food or sex and then became controlled by these addictions, again manifesting the very thing we feared. 

The easiest way I know to make the unconscious more conscious is via observation without judgement. In Alexander lessons we pay attention to how we sit, how we move, how we think and feel. We inhibit the undesirable old pattern of misuse and re-direct in a new way to restore ease of use and motion. If we notice that fear triggers an automatic response pattern of crunching shoulders, what happens to our body if we consciously choose to think about opening and widening the shoulders? To take it a step further, what happens to the fear if we make the unconscious energy conscious and re-direct it to a new  pathway? Stephen Wolinsky in his book Quantum Consciousness, wrote "in order for anything to exist in the physical universe, it must have energy". So our real power lies in recognizing and re-directing that energy into pathways that better serve us. Our real power lies in the choices we make in this moment about where we put our attention and what actions we take in response. It is not so much about what happens to us in this life, but rather how we choose to deal with it. 

Back in the day when I worked in a county detox and treatment facility, we often heard clients talking about what they wanted. They wanted to stop drinking, they wanted their family back, they wanted to stop getting in trouble because of their anger, they wanted to change their lives. My supervisor used to respond to these statements with the question "How does it feel to want?" I interpreted his question as intending to provoke a shift of focus away from bemoaning what they didn't have to taking action towards their recovery. 

"I just want my life back."
"You can't have anything that you want." 
from the movie Conversations with God

In the movie, God explains that
"wanting" something only gets you more of the experience of wanting. It is a conversation for no change.

How does it feel to want? 

Does it feel good? Many spiritual and motivational speakers suggest that the surest way to manifest your heart's desire is to feel good, to be happy, to be grateful, to live as if you already have your heart's desire. 

I remember manifesting my first horse. I had wanted a horse since the first time I saw one (about age 4). I read the horse books and gazed with love longing at every equine that crossed my path. I spent a lot of time wanting, longing for something I did not have. A shift in my thinking occurred while I was a student in grad school. Since all my money was going to the college and I could not afford to buy a horse, I started thinking that someone was going to give me one. My friends thought I was a little nuts (this was back in the 80's), but I really came to believe that I was going to be gifted with a horse any day now. I moved to an apartment in a converted barn that was on 50 acres in the country. Because I talked about horses a lot, I was offered a part time job exercising racehorses at the local fairgrounds. That led to work at an Arabian horse ranch in exchange for riding privileges. When the ranch went bankrupt, the owners gave me a horse. Everyone was surprised by this gift, except me. I had the pasture ready.

So, as an experiment, try this: act as if you have, as if you are in, the experience of what you have been wanting and celebrate it. If you are wanting love, instead of struggling to find it, be love and be open to and grateful for all the love in your life. If you want freedom from a challenging situation, act as if you already have the wisdom of Einstein, the courage of Ann Frank, the compassion of Budda. If you want prosperity, celebrate all the abundance in your life.  Start a conversation for change: prepare your pasture and the horse will appear.